Fenrir's Anthem
by Krahae
Summary: Just when you thought the end of the world was in your bag, some dog runs by and eats your notes. Someone doesn't like what SEELE's planning, and the key to bringing it down is Shinji, and the house of cards Gendo has built around him. AU/Etc.
1. Chapter 1

**Fenrir's Anthem**

\ \ \ \

**Disclaimer**: I don't own what Gainax does.

**Warning**: This will have gore and death and probably sex. Life is more interesting when you don't leave out the good stuff.

**Initial Notes**: This was an idea my roommate has had for a while now. I think it was inspired by a story I recently read, from Mister Cynical, called Lycanthrope.

The take on this will be different, with the main aspect there being that this is a more serious fic, where Lycanthrope is more a fun romp. Also, this will (attempt) to pursue a changing progression of Angels and incidents, that will place it along the Norse ideal of Ragnarök, rather than what was planned in Seele's Dead Sea Scrolls. Not like there's a monopoly on prophecy's around. And yes, I know the Dead Sea Scrolls that Seele has is more an instruction manual for Third Impact etc. That doesn't mean they were the first to find them.

**Extended Summary**: It has always been the foolishness of man to assume a right, a divine law, in how it goes about the world. Wars. Destruction. Forgotten are those that also have a share in this cycle, those who were of man, once. They, too, have a prophecy:

Golden wings call, and awaken Odin's heroes  
The crowing of the horn to wake.  
And in Hel, a bird of red and black  
Calling the damned to the fore.

For the growling beast howls before the mountain,  
the great monument to Hel's gate.  
It's bonds will break, Fenrir freed.  
These herald the war of the gods.

War will rise, man brings with it much desecration,  
A hewing of the trees. A cutting of crops.  
Fortresses fall before a great howl.  
As the wolf time comes.

Fast move those sons of prophecy, and their words  
are heard in ring, the call to war  
Loud calls the harbringer, his horn aloft  
In fear, man remembers god

Then the tree of life will shake and shiver on high  
the wolf is loosed and bellows  
To the heed of prophets Odin lends ear  
but Fenrir's pack will not be still...

(Shamelessly misinterpreted from the Poetic Edda, stanzas 44-47. This is fiction, after all.)


	2. Chapter 2

**Fenrir's Anthem**

\ \ \ \

"So, it's finally come to this." He licked the blood from his teeth, trying to clean the distraction from his senses, "they've gotten all the tools in place. Just a matter of time now."

The woman nearby drew heavily on her cigarette, the discrete hiss and pop of it loud in the otherwise still night. "Are you certain," she breathed, smoke hazing her words. She watched as the man stood and shook himself, small bits of meat and spatterings of blood running over his arms still. "We can't make a mistake here."

Nodding, he leaned against a nearby brick wall, letting the street lamp briefly illuminate him. Tall, for this country, heavily built and muscled. Hair that draped to his chin, and as the light caught behind it, dripped still with the recent kill. She stifled a laugh. Messy eater.

"It's far beyond what we've heard. Too many players, too many plans," snarling, he ran a hand along his scalp, teeth glinting in the light wetly. "I have no ideas." Amber eyes tracked the woman, as she bent and snubbed the cigarette out in the pool that was spreading away from his kill. He growled softly, on impulse.

Shrugging, she leaned on the wall across from him, the light casting her in deeper shadow even as he was limned by it. "How do you stop a machine, that is unstoppable?" Her question was quiet, calm. Like her, it seemed.

"I hate your fucking Chinese riddle bullshit," he snapped, clenching a fist and holding his anger in check very, very tenuously. "If you have an idea, say it. The... things, that they fight, are like ticks on a clock. And it's closing in on night."

"It's simple really," she purred, leaning forward to her eyes glinted as she peered up at him. Her features, exotic already to him as all the people in this country were, were sharpened by that which she was. Pale, drawn slightly, and seemingly bloodless. He restrained the urge to lean forward and snap her head free of her neck, as she grinned up at him, "in every thing, there is a pivot, a key, a fulcrum. A necessary part of it's working. Find it... and destroy it."

Scoffing, the man gestured to the broken, bent form on the ground. "You heard, you saw. Layers on layers of plans, deceit and treachery upon themselves till all that remains is a black mire." Shaking his head, the taller man bent, and picked up the greatcoat he'd discarded, somewhere it'd not be soiled. "You tell me of this keystone. I'll do the rest. My mind isn't for treachery and the winding madness of human nature. I leave that to you and yours."

Laughing, her voice like shattering glass, the woman bowed slightly. "Your esteem uplifts me. But I think this problem is simpler than you think."

"So, perhaps." Indulging his partner in this, more for necessity than desire to be amicable, the man lapsed into silent contemplation, till he took a breath and loosed it in a rumbling growl. "We cannot strike at the abominations. No matter our number.  
"No matter how many of the Old Men we kill, or even Ikari, another will move forward.  
"The... halfbreed. He has hundreds, all waiting to do his will... "

Her smile was dagger-laced. "You see it?"

"Yes," his grin was, if possible, more terrible. "The son."

\ \ \ \

Shinji trudged, as he often did, back from Nerv after a long night of tests and uncomfortable attention. It was... frustrating. He did well, but it never seemed good enough. Then again, what was he expecting... his father to acknowledge him? A small hope in him still flared at that. It dimmed and went still fast enough, as he dodged traffic that seemed intent on drenching him in dank street runoff.

Everyone it seemed, wanted something of him. A piece of him, or to make him something less or more. It never seemed they wanted _him_, though. "If I'm not a pilot, what am I?" Did he want to protect people?

His mind flashed back to Touji, after school and the beating he took. To Rei, and despite their odd, up and down... friendship? Still, she had struck him. To Asuka. To Misato. All those familiar faces, all of them only reflecting pain or a single dimension in his mind.

He knew it wasn't fair. Knew there was more to them, more to the various interactions than what he was feeling. Still, it stuck in his mind. Was he meant to protect the faceless masses of humanity for their own sake? Was he supposed to feel some... sense or desire to safeguard those he knew better?

It seemed unlikely.

Why did they expect him to do it? If they thought the way he was treated gave him some will to survive beyond the normal, they were deathly wrong. Shinji wasn't suicidal, but there was a point at which he felt the only value his life had, was Eva. When he removed that, what was left? When he tried to fathom why he wanted Eva, he was left feeling hollow and empty.

I want to live. Do I want to live like this? What else is there? Do I have a choice? His musing was interrupted as a car sped by, showering him with oily water. As the fetid muck dripped off his bangs, he stooped and scooped up a stone, hurling it after the fleeing vehicle, "Son of a bitch!"

To his mixed horror and amazement, it cracked the car's rear window. This didn't escape the driver's attention, and they swerved, braking hard and lighting the scene in a lurid red. "Oh... oh shi-"

Shinji ran. It was silly, he knew. Section-2 were all over the city, if he just pulled his phone and hit the 2 key and held it, every agent within a kilometer would be flocking to him. Yet... a small voice reminded him they were nowhere to be seen, when he ran away. When Touji had spent ten minutes pummeling him. So, Shinji ran, until the stitch in his side made him wince and lean on a building, as he caught his breath.

He'd crossed one of the habitation blocks of Tokyo-3, and was somewhere around where Ayanami lived, he realized. Massive construction booms and the still present sounds of construction, less intense at night, made it a surety. Even with the low light, some crews were out, packing, bolting, bundling things it seemed. He was sure that it was a massive annoyance, but it bothered him not at all. At least he knew where he was. Mostly.

Fifteen minutes of wandering around and he discarded that idea. "Lost," he proclaimed to nothing in particular, looking over the skyline, regular and predictable as this bank of apartments was. Reaching into his pocket, he paused, the hairs on his neck feeling like someone just ran a finger up along them.

"Found," the simple word, seemingly muttered from nowhere spun him around, and Shinji desperately looked about himself.

"Ah... hello?" His feet moved faster. The street lamp nearby looked comforting, compared to the broken gloom and unpleasant shadows behind him, so ignoring his lack of familiarity with the area, and forgetting the phone he was so recently thinking of, he ran for the canopy of light.

Shinji didn't even have time to cry out, as a massive hand cuffed him heavily on the temple. "Predictable," a gruff voice mumbled, gathering up the young man as if he were a discarded shirt, flinging him over a shoulder. With a crouch and a bunching of muscle, the form leapt and was off the street, leaving the rain to wash the city clean of it's grime.

\ \ \ \

"Wake."

The voice caught at his awareness, pulling him out of the stupor he'd been drowning in. Shinji felt... horrible. "Unggh..." forcing his eyes shut harder, he tried to lay back and remember where he was, and why he felt so... sore. A swift pain in his ribs got his attention and he cried out, betraying his state.

"Good. Open your eyes," the gruff voice seemed... odd. He couldn't place it. He knew the speaker was foreign, but what struck him more was the way the words seemed garbled, as if the man were talking around something in his mouth. Blinking up at the light, Shinji winced, turning his head sharply from the stabbing brightness. His head ached, and in this gloom, the shadows and the bright light above did nothing to resolve either the speaker, or his equilibrium.

That sudden motion had him swooning dangerously, as dizziness swept over him. "Ooh..." holding onto the table with a hand, he righted himself with some trouble, trying to get his wits about him. His head felt like a bell that had been rang too hard, and his eyes refused to focus well. "Where...?"

A snorted laugh was his answer, "Nowhere. This is just a place. More important things, we have to discuss." The man, Shinji had no doubt of gender, with the figure's hulking form, stretched out an arm and pulled a burlap sack off of-

Class Representative Horaki. She was sleeping, or unconscious, but unharmed as far as he could see. Slumping in her chair, she was lightly tied to it, more it seemed to keep her sitting there than to hold her. "I know you know her. No lies," the man's Japanese was broken, clumsy but his intent was clear enough. "So. You pilot." It was less a question as a statement, and Shinji nodded woodenly. No harm in it, such was well known now. "Why?"

His eyes snapped up and the canned response almost slipped from his lips. To save... humanity. Blinking a moment he just shook his head, eyes on Hikari but unfocused. "I don't know."

The large man's laughter was anything but pleasant. "Showered the city in blood, more than once. But he doesn't know why."

"What do you want with me?" The young man's voice surprised both of them, and the man regarded him intently a moment, as the strength of frustration, whichever had fueled the outburst bled from Shinji and left him scared, unsure and cold again.

Rising, the man crossed to stand before the pilot and regarded him with blank, amber eyes. "Do you know what it is you work for?" Again Shinji found himself at a loss, as the man waited a moment for his answer. He was shocked out of his thoughts when the man reached over, and grabbing a handful of Hikari's hair, pulled her up into the air. She screamed and writhed at her bonds, the sudden motion and pain waking her from whatever state she'd been in. "For her? For them?" He gestured vaguely about and all Shinji could do was hold his hands out, as if warding off a blow. The man dropped Hikari, and she whimpered, tossing about in her chair weakly.

"Please, don't hurt her, she's not involved in this at all," the young man begged, and the foreigner cocked his head, puzzling over the words a moment, before he extended a hand, his fingers running over Hikari's cheek slowly. Shinji tensed, and the man smiled at him, a very slow lifting of his lip.

The blow, backhanded, sent Hikari across the room, crumpling to the side as her chair's leg broke under her. Shinji's eyes widened in horror, as blood leaked slowly from her nose and lip where she lay, "No! Why did yo-" his words died, as hands closed around his neck and squeezed, easily cutting off his wind. Already he could see his vision graying, and he cursed his weakness, his inability to do anything-

"Shhh. Shh.. " the man's soothing did little to ease his fear and outrage, but he did still, knowing he'd be either out or dead soon, otherwise. Then it would just be the man and Hikari. Even if Shinji didn't know why he piloted, even though he had no higher reason beyond what he knew – his need for affirmation, his desire to be seen and appreciated, he did know that right now, this man didn't want her. For whatever it was he'd planned, it was Shinji that was the key. "Good. Now, let us finish our talk."

As suddenly as the man had said this, he let go and Shinji backed up, tripping on the chair he'd been sitting in and falling. That great mass of foreigner loomed, then shrank to settle beside him. "Let me tell you, what your father plans." Those words got his attention, and the young man looked up with open wariness.

"What... "reaching up, he rubbed at the still sore muscles in his throat. "What do you mean?"

The smile was horrible, and he shrank back. "Let me tell you a story."

And he did, and quite a tale it was. Shinji struggled with the man's words, sometimes asking him to repeat himself. Always his eyes went to Hikari, as she lay. Her breath was steady, and he assumed she just had taken the fall badly. How sad, a small part of him said, that he'd become so inured to violence, pain and hurt that such a thing was so easily glossed over. Shinji drowned the voice, in the shock that followed what the man told him.

"Destroy... everything? Why? Why not let the Angels just win then?"

Jack, as the man had finally given him a name, not that he seemed to care, shook his head slowly. "Control. If Ikari begins it, he defines it. World ends, his way. He would be god, and have that power," the idea made Shinji's stomach go sour, and if he'd had anything in it, such would likely be trying to come up.

Shaking his head slowly, Shinji rubbed at his temple with a finger, "And Seele, the same?" A nod was his answer. "How much of Nerv knows this? How do you know this?" Narrowing his eyes, he looked to Hikari again, meaningfully. "Why should I trust you?"

And then things got worse, as suddenly the man before him seemed to ripple, and there before him was a... something. His mind lacked words. "For knowing, I have ways. For trust, you shouldn't."

"Jack... such crass methods." A melodic voice chimed, and it seemed the lumbering shadow before him just... ceased to be there and was standing, towering over a young woman who was in the doorway. "Easy. I only come to observe."

"I doubt that... why are you here, Zi?" Shinji watched as the woman reached up, looking as if she'd lay a hand on the... thing's face, but then there was a blur and suddenly as they were there, now they were standing, tense by the table. "Will you not introduce me to this guest?"

Snorting, the thing seemed to shrug and it took on again the look of the gruff man, Jack. He had to have been seeing things. The light was so bad, and he still had problems focusing... and if it was, really that thing, then I am well and truly dead, and so is Hikari, and... he shut out the gibbering voice, focusing instead on his hand, as it clenched and relaxed. "This is the son. Shinji."

"And her?" he hated that tone, in her voice. She sounded like Hikari was just a thing, and it rankled him so.

Jack seemed to shrug, leveling a hard glare his way. "Depends."

The woman he'd called Zi glided over and kneeled by Shinji, and he instinctively backed into his chair. "Nothing to worry about from me, young one... after all. I am only here to watch. I'd be more concerned for your... friend? Girlfriend?" Smiling, she showed him why he'd felt so unnerved by her. He mouth was a shark's maw of hooked, wicked teeth. As suddenly as he'd taken notice and looked atain, she was again merely looking up at him, her eyes steady and lips closed, a slight, gentle curve to them.

His mind simply would not admit it. He didn't see that. Not... possible. Those teeth couldn't be behind her lips, there wasn't the room for them! Shinji snapped back to the moment, dazed and feeling like wool was slowly suffocating his thoughts, as the woman introduced herself, "Xian Wen, but my... associates thick tongue cannot speak such delicate words." He nodded automatically, once, unable to do more. "I should let Jack continue, I do find myself curious that you are still... here."

Her words didn't lose their meaning to him. Paling, he finally looked again to Hikari, and started to see the young woman's head resting in Xian's lap, the odd woman dabbling the blood from her face with a delicate fingertip.

She cleaned this off, between her lips. Shivering uncontrollably, Shinji looked back to Jack and just closed his eyes, trying to keep the waver from his voice. "What do you want from me?"

"Smart boy," the voice seemed pleased, and he took a breath, trying to steady himself. He didn't like it, when Jack was happy. "So, you are fine then, with this fate your father and his peers wish?"

"Of course not."

"But you don't know why you fought, and still do?"

"No... why does it matter? I fight. Why do you care?" His nerves were fraying, and the woman kept cleaning her fingers, as they wiped off Hikari's blood. What happened when those stains were gone?

Jack laughed quietly, then. "I care, because if they finish this plan, then me and mine, and your's are ended. So then, do you fight to survive, Shinji?"

It caught him somewhat by surprise, that the man called him by name here. He'd done so, only to the woman, and he looked up and met the man's amber eyes. "I suppose so."

"Well then, we have much in common." Chuckling, Jack seemed to relax for the first time that Shinji had seen, and settled into a chair. The woman Xian was looking at Jack curiously, which in a small way made the young pilot feel better. "Tell me, would you let her die?"

That comfort suddenly evaporated. "What?"

"She will die. I will kill her. Or you will, by following your father. Which shall it be?"

"But... why?" And then it dawned on him. If he did follow his father's plan, if this man wasn't lying to him, then nothing would matter, anyway. "I... what do you want?"

Grinning slightly, the man shrugged and leaned forward, showing Shinji for the first time his wickedly scarred face. "You." Paling, the young man tried to crawl backwards in his chair, but his back was already against the thing. "You see, without you, there is no plan. Others can be replaced. You, you pilot the key. Without you, nothing."

"So... you're going to kill me?"

"I was," the man toyed with his nails, a gesture Shinji thought at first was some kind of efficient posing, till he tapped them on the table, leaving flakes of excised wood and veneer on it's surface. "I have a better idea, now.

"Your life, for hers," pointing, Jack indicated Hikari. "You are no hero. You know well she dies anyway, in his plan. But I give you a choice. Prevent it now, and take a step to change your father's plan, or know that until I kill you after letting her scream and die before you, that you could have stopped it."

His mouth working slowly, Shinji looked back and forth, between Jack, Xian, Hikari and his own hands. It was... unfair. He couldn't do anything! He held no illusions the man would kill either of them. But to die for her... she was just the class Rep! He would kill them both anyway... but what did he mean? Steps to prevent it? "You said... prevent. What did you mean?"

"Survival. You say you fight for it." At Shinji's brief nod, the man smiled again. "Then, I'll give you a chance to do so. You will die, in his plan. In Seele's plan. Why not make your own?"

"I... I can't. I don't even understand half of what you're talking about."

Chuckling, Jack rocked his chair back, and shot Xian a warning glance. Shinji looked over, but the woman was merely rebraiding Hikari's hair. Such a mundane, simple thing almost made him laugh, with the things that were being talked about, so idly. "It will come. You will see. You agree then, a life for a life?"

"It's not just mine, though... or hers," pausing a moment, he closed his eyes and rubbed idly at the bridge of his nose. "You... how does this help you?"

"You will see. But decide. I grow... tired, of talking."

Swallowing nervously, Shinji's head jerked in an affirmative. "Alright. I'll... do it."

Looking up, the man seemed to grow thoughtful, his hands lacing over his stomach. "Xian, take her home. No harm will come to her. She will not remember this."

From the side, he could see her giving the young woman a look, and Shinji couldn't suppress the shudder that ran through him at the longing in it. As suddenly as he'd registered this, they simply weren't there, and surprised, he looked back to Jack-

Only to find the man literally at the end of his nose, the man's eyes a luminescent gold. "Remember these words. You will burn, you will hurt, you will be sick. You will change, from inside out." The man's massive hand wrapped around Shinji's head, and he could feel those nails digging into his scalp. Crying out slightly, he saw a flash of... something, in the man's eyes as he smiled. It was a horrible thing to see, and it nearly broke him there, where he was held in the man's viselike grip. "You will change... and be less and more. But you will not be a tool. Not their tool. Not my tool." Laughing, the man leaned close and Shinji felt sick at his breath, how it stank of old blood and meat. Like the inside of an old grocer's cooler.

"Perhaps... this was fated. One beast, to slay another. Will you be the one to swallow the sun? One month, to complete. Live your human days, quickly. In one month, they end."

Jack's other hand closed over his eyes, but he heard the grinding of... something, like wet wood and stone being rolled against each other. He shuddered, knowing something was coming, something horrible and that he had to _run_, had to get out of there. Shinji took a breath to scream-

And then his world exploded into pain, and blackness.

\ \ \ \

"Shinji!" A rapping at his door roused him, and he blinked up at the ceiling of his room, then closed his eyes hard. His head was a ruin of pain and ache. "Shinji!"

"I'm – " a coughing fit wracked him, and his door slid open slightly. Misato stood there, peering in the small crack at him, as he tried to get his throat to work.

"You... sound kind of bad. Do you feel alright, Shinji?"

He didn't. Not at all, he realized. His throat burned and his entire body felt like... well it felt like he'd fought an Angel and gotten the usual treatment. Shaking his head, he stumbled out of bed, pulling the sheet with him. He was probably late, and she wanted breakfast, or was trying to keep that harridan Asuka from coming in and making a nuisance of herself. He tried to ask, when his throat constricted again, refusing him. "Water," the only word he could manage, and the one thing on his mind, was all he croaked out.

Misato's eyes widened at the state of her charge. "Oh my... get back in bed. I'll get you some water, and call the school. You're taking the day off, stay here!" She pushed him back toward his bed, and then her eyes found the sheets. "Oh my god..."

Shinji stumbled and fell across his bed, his throat aching like he'd never had a drop to drink. He tried to care about what Misato was going on about, but his mind was too hazed still, and finally, he followed her gaze. There, across his pillow and the sheet, was a smearing of dried blood, and not just a small spot or two. Shinji had a moment to wonder what had bled on his bed, when Misato suddenly took his head in her hands and started tilting it about, looking for something.

He waved her off, the fast motion making him feel ill and dizzy. Brows furrowed, he went to stand again and stumbled, at which point she remembered herself. "Sorry Shinji I... I'll be right back. Get back in bed, just... I'll get new sheets in a minute." Nodding absently he complied, but the motion set his head spinning again and he laid down, uncaring of the stain on his bed.

A minute passed, and he heard the chatter of voices. He could hear lots of sounds, but his head refused to cease it's drumming ache long enough for him to care. Shinji idly wondered if this was what being hung over felt like.

It felt like an itch took root in his head, and writhing he tried to rub his palms over his ears, as it _ate_ at him, and it felt like hours as it seemed something wanted to burrow through his ears. He nearly drove a finger to dislodge what was torturing him, but the sensation passed, leaving him laying there, panting weakly. Voices, clearer despite his echoing head, reached him from the hallway.

"... really worried about him," he could pick out Misato's low voice, her usual light mood gone. Very faintly he could hear someone respond, a tinny, weak little voice. Shaking his head he looked back to the ceiling, and tried to distract himself from the burning that threatened to consume his...

_You will burn._

Sitting upright too fast, he clutched at his head and groaned. Distantly, he heard the sound of clattering plastic and footsteps, as Misato rushed down the hall. "I'm so sorry, I called Ritsuko because I was worried," she blurted, rushing to him with a cup of water. His earlier thoughts, disturbed by the flash of some voice, was tossed away when he saw the cup.

It was like trying to irrigate the desert. The paltry drops only served to inflame his throat. Closing his eyes, Shinji let his shoulders hitch slightly, too weary to voice his hurt. The weakness he was showing bothered him, made him ashamed, but what else could he do? If she kept him in here, he had to depend on her, and if there was one thing Shinji had learned in the time since living with Misato, was that the woman's dependability only extended to Nerv and fighting Angels.

Thankfully, she took the hint and simply brought him a pitcher of water, letting him drink his fill. Fleeing for what he assumed was to finish the phone call, Misato left him be again, and he took that time to assess himself, his bed and the horrid ache in his body.

It took him a few moments, but he slowly managed to get to his closet mirror, looking at the state he was in. Naked, not a state he tended to sleep in, it gave him a clear idea how flushed he was, as the white sheets stood in heavy contrast to his reddened skin. Brow furrowed he leaned against the door and gasped slightly, the cold surface of the mirror a shock against his skin. It seemed to wake his senses a bit, and suddenly he was freezing, the air like ice. Shuffling back to the bed he curled up under his blanket, flipping the pillow to hide the stain on it as best he could.

He could have sworn he just closed his eyes, but then there was Misato again, Ritsuko at her side and the blinds over his window clearly dark. "Ah, so you do still live, Misato was worried you wouldn't, the way she talks..." the woman remarked archly, her usual expression of mild annoyance firmly in place. "Thermometer," she announced, before pressing his chin down, a small object stabbing at his tongue. Sputtering, he clenched his teeth around it for the few seconds it needed to register, fixing the woman with a glare.

Her brow arched slightly, at his open annoyance. She made a mental note to make a record of his irritability – such things while piloting were not beneficial. The beep sounded, and with a huff he nearly spat the thing at her. Not trusting his voice yet, he reached to get a glass of water, as the woman looked over his temperature. "Forty point two... well you weren't just trying to get out of class then."

Shinji closed his eyes, and took a moment to calm his breathing. Something about the woman... just grated on him. He wrote it off as his obvious fever, but to be honest... he'd never liked the woman's attitude. So aloof, so uncaring of their well-being. It grated on him sorely, more so now when he wasn't at his best.

"Well, I suppose we should take you in to run a battery of tests," the woman practically sighed, her annoyance not even veiled at this point.

His ire peaked, and Shinji snapped his head around, regarding her coldly. "Sorry, _Doctor_, perhaps you had something else to do? Don't let me keep you." It stung horribly to choke out those words, but what surprised him was the look of mixed anger and horror that flashed over her face, before her expression blanked out to it's usual mask.

Snapping her small case shut, she turned without another word to leave. Misato, blinking confusedly, hurried after her, calling for the woman to wait. Shinji was just relieved the woman was gone, and would have told Misato to leave off her efforts, but his energy was simply nonexistent.

"What are you doing?" Rounding on the blonde, Katsuragi took hold of her shoulder and turned the woman to face her. "That's it? 'Oh he has a fever, good night?'"

Rolling her eyes, Ritsuko shrugged off Misato's hand and continued to the door. "He obviously doesn't want to come in for testing. He has a fever, and as long as he does, he can ditch class, but he's making up the training at Nerv when he's well."

Boggling, the Major leaned out the door after her long time friend and called, "what's up with you, tonight?"

"Nothing. When his attitude improves, or his condition worsens, call me." The unstated half was clear – don't call for any other reason, at least for Shinji. Bristling, she slammed her door and marched back into the foyer, intent on getting a beer to calm her nerves.

It would figure, that Asuka would choose this point to make herself known, she mused, trying to hide behind the open refrigerator door without success. "So, the baka is sick? Figures, spending all that time walking out in the cold after tests."

This got Misato's attention, and she let the door slide back, beer in hand. "What do you mean?"

Shrugging, Asuka poked around in the cabinet, till she found some western chips. "He stopped taking the train. He walks home most of the time now from Nerv."

"Why didn't you tell me this sooner?"

The young woman leveled a glare at her, her free hand firmly planted on her hip, "What? Am I his keeper now? Isn't this why we have Section-2?" Shrugging, she turned and went to the living room, flipping on the TV. "Besides, maybe it's not the cold. Maybe he's been slumming it." Her laugh was derisive. "Probably caught something. Baka."

Shaking her head, Misato just let the other pilot's insinuations go, knowing full well if someone had met with the young man, they'd report it. What she didn't like, was the gaping hole in the monitoring that was there, if he was taking unsecured routes back and forth from Nerv. She would speak with them in the morning – it was too late to get into such things, in her opinion. Idly, she looked down and realized the beer in her hand was still unopened. "Huh."

Laying in the dark, Shinji's brows knit, as he wondered why it was he could hear everything that had just went on. "I know the walls are thin, but... eh. Fevers make you too sensitive." And it was the truth. His sheets felt as rough as burlap. Blinking, something in his head clicked, and he flinched, a ghost of a memory-

-_stretched out an arm and pulled a burlap sack off of Class Representative Horaki_

His head flared again, as the unwelcome image surged forward. Gasping, he reached up and pressed his palms against his eyes, willing the image to be gone, unable to force it to leave.

"Hikari," he gasped, as his brain rewound in fast motion the piecemeal other happenings of the previous night. Stumbling still from his fever, he rifled through his school bag for his cell phone, falling back on his bed with a groan. "Had to be a dream. Had to be..." his fingers shook, but he pulled her number out of his contacts and waited.

"Hello?"

Sighing, Shinji was about to just hang up till he realized that the number was displayed, from this ID. "Uhm. Hi, Hikari?"

A small silence answered, till her voice broke through the calm, "Shinji... I um. How are you?" The tension in her voice was obvious, and Shinji swore at himself for calling, in his haste. Why wouldn't she be OK? It was just a silly dream. Whatever was making him ill was affecting his judgment, obviously.

His relief was short lived, as he realized he'd called her late at night, for no explainable reason. Thinking quickly, he remembered why she'd ask him about his health, and that he'd been bedridden that day, "I'm fine. Sorry, I um... missed class today. Wasn't feeling well."

"I... had to leave early, too." Something seemed to reach up, and grip at his heart tightly. "I think something is going around," she seemed to be warming to the topic, while he sat, mute and staring ahead unseeing. "Have you had any... well headaches? Nosebleeds or any-"

"I'm sorry, I have to go. Sorry," and slapping his phone shut, he threw it away from himself, eyes panicked and roving around his room. "Can't be real, can't be... I wasn't there. What... right. I'd have bruises, from Jack." Scrambling to his feet, Shinji sped over to his mirror, his balance still being unsure nearly throwing him into the thing. Steadying himself against the door where it was hung, he stared hard at himself, in the half light of his room.

His skin was still flushed, but that wasn't as obvious, or perhaps it was fading. Shinji watched as his breathing caused his chest to hitch, and shook his head. "Nothing... no sign. What..." reaching up, he ran a hand along his neck and sighed, trying to piece together something that would explain the strangeness that had gotten to him. A fever dream? Those happened often enough.

Shinji paused, as his hand ran over the hair along the back of his neck. It felt... matted. Dirty. Pulling his hand away, he looked at the flakes of red on his fingers and remembered his pillow and sheets. The blood there somewhat more than a nosebleed as Hikari had asked, could have caused. Thinking, he ran a hand along his shoulder, along the curve of his neck, where the stain would have rested.

His skin was unbroken. Clean. But... he pressed as something about the way his neck, the muscle between it and his shoulder, felt odd. Pressure made him wince, as it almost felt like he'd just pressed in at a bruise sharply. Running his fingers along it with more deliberation, his eyes narrowed.

Long ago, he'd managed to get an infection, after cutting his foot on a sharp shell along the beach. The wound had went septic, and it took some time to heal. Since then, he'd had a small scar on his foot, just on the outside of his large toe. It felt... strange, sometimes, when he rolled the skin over it wrong. Like there was a fissure of harder tissue there, under the surface. He knew it was just the scarring of the wound, but still, after so long, it hurt.

Under his fingers, in the muscle it seemed, were hard strands that he traced, a small series of them, as his fingers wandered. Blinking, he slid his hand around the muscle, and there, along the back as the front, that same sensation.

Tracing the pattern with a fingertip, his breath caught. He was tracing a half circle.

Half circle... on either side. Swallowing, he jerked his hand away, and hurried to the bathroom, snatching up some clean clothes almost as an after thought. "Shower... a shower would help me clear my mind," he said, and as he gathered things and stalked to it, repeated the odd mantra.

He was so distracted, lost in thought, that he didn't notice Asuka standing by his door, as if to knock as he swept by, slamming the bathroom door behind himself.

Her mouth working silently a moment, she finally blushed at what she'd just seen. "Why you... god! How can I live in a place like this!" Stomping to her room, she closed her door and tried to forget about the young man who'd just swept by, expression stormy and so unlike himself. That was easy enough to overlook, but his nakedness had stuck, and it plagued her already unsettled mind.

\ \ \ \

He woke, just in time to stop the first chirp of his alarm. "Hrm..." rolling out of bed, he stretched and winced as his muscles creaked in protest, the light outside gentle on the blinds. It looked to be shaping into a beautiful, late summer day. Rubbing at his face to clear the sleep from his senses, he paused, remembering the night before. "I'd called Hikari..."

Sorting through his closet, he finally found the discarded phone, and it's single, winking message.

"_Two missed calls_." It said, the black letters easy to see on the screen. Shinji could guess from who.

"Dreams becoming nightmares," he mumbled, gathering up his clothes for the day, and getting dressed.

The morning routine, much to Misato and Asuka's confusion, was in full swing that day. They both awoke to the usual smells of Shinji's breakfast cooking, which as they poked their heads out respective rooms, they thought to blame on the other. "If you're not," they said in unison, as from the foyer Shinji leaned out to say good morning.

Being up at an unreasonable hour for her aside, Misato was curious how Shinji was feeling. She remembered a few times, during school and having a fever, and even recently, but none of those had cleared up as quickly as the pilot's ailment. "So... back to normal today, Shinji?"

Glancing up at her, he shrugged slightly. "I feel fine. No need to laze in bed, if I'm well."

Being a tactician had it's benefits. One of those was learning patterns, and how they relate to the world and the people in it. Those patterns set up an easy way to predict, or barring that, learn from an opponent. Used socially, it made it relatively easy to tell certain things about people, especially if one was known for some time.

What she'd just heard, was Shinji lying. "I see," deciding to just let it go, she instead dug into her breakfast, noticing another oddity that morning. Asuka, being unusually quiet. Concern, weariness and a lack of interest in more roommate hostilities kept her silent, but throughout that morning, her mind was going double time. "Mm, well this was good. Remember to check in with Rits, Shinji. I'm sure she'd like to give you a checkup, make sure you're in good health." And I'll check in with Section-2, just to be sure you're not doing anything strange and dangerous, she added for her own benefit.

"Checkup," snorting, Asuka rolled her eyes. "More like dissection. I hate it when she gets in her 'zone' in those labs." Shivering, she stood and cleaned her plate at the sink. "I'd stay away from her, if I were you. She has a penchant for cold instruments..."

Misato nearly spat her beer across the table, as Shinji had to think a moment about Asuka's comment. Blinking rapidly, he blushed as the young woman laughed. "Just kidding, but anyway. I'm off, later."

"She's in... good spirits," Shinji noted, idly preparing a lunch for himself. Brow furrowed, he quickly set up another, figuring it would help him deal with something he needed to do today. One way or another, he needed to talk to Hikari one on one. The best time for that would be at lunch, so, if he had to separate her and Asuka, food was the best course.

And if not... he rested a hand on his stomach, still growling despite his recent meal. Well. It wouldn't go to waste.

\ \ \ \

Class 2-A was proceeding, like the morning at home, much as normal. That fact relieved Shinji, as it lessened some of the stress he'd had the day before, with his fever. The only thing he noted that seemed out of place, was Hikari and her somewhat distant, oddly detached manner. When the teacher had entered, she had been slow to call the class to order, needing the man to clear his throat to get her attention.

Later, she'd missed a queue entirely, when it was her role to come forward and work on an equation. Trying not to stare, Shinji had misgivings about talking to the young woman, as he didn't want to possibly disturb her further. Sighing, he knew that no matter how off she seemed, he had to do this, if only to figure out what she wanted to talk about after he had his breakdown on the phone the night before.

Lunch came quickly, despite the annoyance of a few people asking why he'd been absent, and the usual moments with Asuka. It wasn't so much that she openly caused him problems, most of the time. It was her attitude, he decided, stabbing away at his notes on the laptop. Superior, haughty... it irked him. His memory chimed in, that in truth, as far as school was concerned she was, having already graduated as a prodigy from college. That boggled him, honestly. How could someone so intelligent be so... abrasive?

He rolled his eyes as an image of Ritsuko came to mind.

Unlike usual, where he would hurry up to the roof to avoid awkward questions, Asuka's random ire or other unforeseen things, he lingered, waiting for a chance to approach the young woman. His moment came, when during a small talk with another student, he managed to catch her eye.

He gestured, nodding and looking toward the back of class. She responded with a slight nod.

Shinji sat and waited, trying to ignore the gnawing hunger that was trying to turn him inside out it seemed. Finally, the class Rep made her way to him, "Hi, Shinji," her anxiety was obvious, but he could understand it. They were eating together, or meeting, during lunch. Rumors were quick things in their class,

"Hi Class Rep, was wondering if you could help me get up to speed from yesterday, I seemed to have missed some things," the lie was loud, obvious and true, to a form, which made it easy to pass off. The few lingering students seemed to loose interest, and Hikari relaxed a bit, seeing through his act easy enough. She sat and they talked about the day before, how as he'd expected, nothing new or relevant had occurred.

When Asuka came looking for the young woman, he pulled out the other lunch grudgingly and a sheaf of reports on calculus. The redhead took one look at both, and snatching up the box, beat a hasty retreat.

As he looked back from her retreating form, he noticed Hikari blinking at him, curiosity plain on her face. "That was... well planned. You didn't really want to ask me about yesterday's assignments, did you Shinji?"

Shaking his head, the young man, leaned forward, his voice cast low. "I'm sorry, about that call-"

"Forget it," her blush rose quickly, and she stumbled over her words a moment, seeming unsure. "I just... had some frightening dreams. I guess something is going around, huh?"

Nodding, more to reassure the girl than to agree, he leaned back and ran a hand through his hair. They ate in silence, until his curiosity wouldn't be still. "Your dream. It was... of a man. Talking, to me. You had something over your face and then-"

The look she had, the paleness behind her dusting of freckles told him more than he needed. Cutting off his description, he loosed a sigh and packed up the empty containers of his lunch. "Sorry. I had to know."

"How... did you know? I thought maybe we got the same cold or something but..."

Rising, he tried to find some comforting words. Some small token, or great truth that he could tell her, that would make whatever memory she had, less frightening.

_She will not remember this._

His head _burned_. Stumbling, he nearly fell against the young woman but for catching himself on the desk, his hands splayed there as he slid. A moment passed, as silence fell over the classroom, and the few people still there. Shinji laughed quietly, as he remembered those words, the conversations finally all coming back into place. "He lied. Didn't he."

Hikari was looking up at him, eyes wide and frightened. She nodded once, and he couldn't tell if it was to agree with the vague statement he'd made, or just to ward him off, on whatever strange tangent he was on. He laid a hand on her shoulder, and leaning down, whispered a quiet apology before leaving her, his meal feeling unsettled in his stomach.

With his back turned, he missed the young woman, running her fingers along eight marks, shallow gouges that had been left in the desk's top.

\ \ \ \

The fever had been harsh enough, but now he found himself in an entirely different, strange predicament.

Shinji had never been a big eater. Often, he ended up cooking the meals he did with larger portions, just because he simply felt wasteful making something for himself. Following the trend of the last few days, something had gone wrong with that as well.

He first noticed it after the rather tense meeting with Hikari. Breakfast that morning was fine, but by lunch his stomach seemed to just... churn, and grow angry at anything he ate. He blamed it on the charged emotions of that day, and let it go with little thought.

After school, he'd declined to deal with the take out that was the day's meal, and just slept off the day. There was a note from Misato about something, but by the time he'd gotten home, Shinji just didn't care enough to worry on it. If it was an emergency, someone would call. If she needed whatever was on the note, she'd come bother him.

Sleep didn't come easy, as the apartment practically vibrated with noise, and he... felt hungry, despite his stomach rejecting lunch earlier. His last thoughts before sleep finally overtook him, were of how much he despised being sick, and a nagging worry that whatever his memory was telling him, was more to worry on than a passing flu.

The next day proved a similar situation, and again he had yet another issue that told on his mind. Apparently Misato had some issue with his walking from Nerv, a habit he'd taken up after a particularly bad argument with Asuka. It wasn't something specific to the other pilot – after the time he'd rode the trains, avoiding home and the Eva, they'd just felt... uncomfortable.

Walking helped him clear his mind. Helped him let the day be less trying, which he needed, desperately now.

Again, his apatite was running the polar gamut. He felt starved, yet nothing seemed to sit well with him. His energy was flagging, and by the end of the week, he was eating just to do so, knowing he'd be sick and that it was essentially futile.

By chance, he'd been walking with Hikari's sister, as their path's crossed after school and she had struck up a conversation. It wasn't awkward, so much as just random, and he actually was finding himself enjoying Kodama's company, when something caught his attention.

A smell. It wrenched at his stomach, and had him nearly stumbling where he stood. "Shinji, are you alright?" Her small hand rested on his shoulder. He distantly noted she was close, very close... the smell of her perfume, the way her eyes were dilating slowly-

"Yeah," the moment passed and he smiled, backing away politely. She was nice, but it was... odd. Her eyes seemed to not see him. They continued the walk, and the pilot tried to figure out where those insights came from, and if he'd simply just avoided thinking about them if they'd always been there, when again the smell reached him. The reaction wasn't as strong this time and rather than let it overpower him, he focused on it.

Smiling an apology, he excused himself, but Kodama continued with him, seemingly intent on his original offer to escort her home. He didn't mind, it just felt awkward, knowing Hikari would be there. They weren't involved, in any form of the idea, but still... walking his class Representative's older sister home just felt wrong somehow.

Finally, he found the source of his preoccupation, and boggled quietly. "Oh, this place. It opened just recently. Odd to find a restaurant out here, most are downtown..." her voice droned on, as he lifted his nose, sniffing at the air once, a slow, deep intake of air.

_Meat_, something in his mind said, as he caught the scents of the western style cooking. Extravagant, expensive and unusual, the steakhouse had a good reputation, if it ran across the grain of many people in the city. Misato's apartment was a frugal affair most times, the simple Japanese fare he prepared often lacking meats other than dried or smoked fish.

"...try it?"

He snapped back to his senses, and blinked at the young woman beside him. "Excuse me, sorry. What did you say?"

She grinned, shrugging slightly. He was reminded again, how different the two sisters were, then. Kodama was at once like Hikari, in that her hair, eyes and skin seemed a mirror of her younger sibling, even to the slight dusting of freckles. There, though, the similarities ended. Slightly taller, taller than Shinji, she had a much more pronounced figure – appropriate, he told himself. She was two years his senior. Her hair was kept loose, down at her shoulder in a bob that at once reminded him of Rei but without the... haphazardness of the other pilot's hair. "Would you like to try it?"

Her eyes were different too, Shinji noted as he looked back to the restaurant with clear longing. She looked... hungry. She wanted something. The look reminded him of how Kaji looked, sometimes when he was around Misato. Smiling, Shinji shrugged and motioned to the door, reaching into his wallet for the Nerv ID there. Beside him, Kodama slipped her arm through his, and seemed to melt against his side as they walked.

How unusual, he mused distantly. She obviously doesn't know me, I don't even know if she wants to. Perhaps it's that I'm a pilot... his musing wasn't as critical as it would have been normally. Normally, if a woman had asked him such a thing, he'd have sputtered and mumbled till they lost interest, his defensive shell preventing him from reacting well. It wasn't gone, not by a far measure, but for the moment... In all truth, his entire reaction to the woman's odd display was skewed through a haze of something he'd rarely felt, at this strength.

_Hunger._

He was... and in a small way it shamed him, aroused at the idea of _food_. The expectation, anticipation of slaking that need was spilling over, and as he looked at the woman on his arm, an odd impulse took him, one he nearly acted on. Shinji very nearly leaned down, and ran his nose along her jawline. Ducking to mask the action, he shook the odd impulse off.

As they were seated, his mind was preoccupied with the smells, the peculiar expectation of his body to the meal he was generously paying for, as well as Kodama's.

He didn't care, how it looked, how much it was. If she'd said goodbye there on the corner he'd still be sitting here. It was just more convenient to simply act, than muddle through so many tired social interactions.

_Hunger._

It washed over him again, and he shuddered. He could not remember feeling a need this strong. Somewhere, across the table, Kodama twittered, laughing coyly about something he'd not heard. Nodding, he distantly wondered what she was saying. He couldn't fully bring himself to focus, or care, as every time his mind seemed to reengage, it was blasted back by the sheer need he had to feed.

Swallowing, he stilled his raging mind, and looked to his company. She was watching the entertainment, a slight smile on her face. She was pretty, he admitted. Shinji almost laughed when he thought, perhaps, she was using him for some petty social game, with his status as a pilot.

It amused him, to think that he was using her as well, to have a passable excuse to come here. Who would question his motive, and sudden change in habit if on the arm of a pretty girl? The sudden duplicity in his motivation made him laugh, and she did as well, thinking him amused by the show.

Quietly, a voice said he was ill, that something was wrong with this, very wrong. It's voice was weak, small and easily ignored, as the rushing, torrential impact of his body's reaction to a waiter, carrying another table's meal, passed close by. He moaned quietly.

It was like so, distractedly laughing at jokes he wasn't hearing and waging a war with his own reactions, that he caught the eye of the last person he expected to see that afternoon.

Across the room, situated far on the other side and away from the bustle of the main floor, sat Rei Ayanami. She was still, like him, in her school clothes, and the moment their eyes met, something there tore him out of his internal warring, his base preoccupation going silent. Shinji vaguely noticed that his companion had done the same, and he had a momentary twinge of anxiety that she would turn and see Rei. Questions that followed such a thing, if he remembered his daytime dramas, were never very comfortable.

Still, this was not something he could overlook. Wasn't Rei a vegetarian, he mused. "Excuse me," and with little other explanation, he stood and walked a circumferential path around the main floor. When he approached her table, the other pilot simply looked up at him, saying nothing. "Good afternoon, Rei," he greeted.

Of all the people that Rei interacted with, Shinji knew that on some level, she was more open to him than most. Perhaps the only other person he had any hint that this was different about, was his father. Their relationship bemused the young man, and tended to cause him rather dark fits of contemplation. Why did he replace Shinji with her, in his life? Why was she so close to a man, that arguably, no one could be? What did it mean, to him, that on a level that Shinji still didn't allow himself to come to grips with, he was attracted to her? Then there was the memories of what Jack had said... could it be true? That there were... others? Other Reis?

Crimson eyes blinked once, and only his personal anxiety kept him from chuckling. She was also somewhat confused to see him here, it seemed. "Pilot Ikari."

"This is a nice restaurant, but ah..." glancing about, he noticed the usual Section-2 shadows, those that he could see, standing about silently. The fact none were whispering into their lapels, or holding fingers to their ears to better hear their orders comforted him, somewhat. "I didn't think this was the kind of food you enjoyed," he concluded lamely.

Her eyes flicked behind him, and he could practically feel Kodama's gaze on his back. Shinji visibly winced. "Your companion seems... irritated." Laying her menu down, Rei seemed to consider her next words very carefully, before speaking. "I am here to meet with Commander Ikari. He is currently late."

"Father," instinctively, Shinji glanced about, as if saying his name would summon the man. Berating himself for such irrationality, the young man also resisted the urge to look behind him, and see the expression on Kodama's face. "I suppose that would make sense. Meeting him here, not the lateness... ah," sighing, he was intently aware of her gaze on him again. The memory of her striking him on the escalator was still fresh in his mind, despite the events after, their somewhat awkward moments after as he pulled her from the smoking ruin pf her Eva, after the Yashima operation.

"Will you sit?"

He blinked, and looked back to her as she seemed to be inspecting her phone. During his musing, she must have pulled it out, he figured. Another lapse in attention... this is getting worse, he berated himself, for perhaps the tenth time that day for the same. "I ah. Kodama..."

"I see," and to his intense discomfort, the young woman rose and stood, well within his personal space. Quietly, shielding herself from view of the other woman behind him, she looked up to him again, "Would you like to join me?"

From anyone else, this would have seemed like redundancy, and rather forward as well. Shinji knew though, that the two questions weren't connected, at least to her. In truth, what confused him more was that Rei seemed to be actively seeking his company. Which meant she wanted to speak to him about something. "I... would need to tell Kodama, and that would be somewhat rude, as we came in together." It was the truth, but more, he wanted to see her reaction.

It wasn't some egotistical need to have the girl vie for his attention, more gauging how important it was, what she wanted to speak about. When she blinked, her brow creasing ever so slightly, he sighed, knowing this day was not going to become less complicated. "I see. Excuse me a moment."

He turned to see where she was going, and only just managed to figure it out before the young woman could begin to make her way to Kodama's table. "Rei! What are you doing," he hissed, pulling up beside her, wishing he wasn't in such a formal place, so he could just reach out and stop her advance.

"Dismissing your companion," she stated simply, stride even.

Shinji's mouth worked, and he seemed to come back to himself after missing a step. "You can't do that," he countered, a blush managing to warm his cheeks. Oh this was going to go so badly, he groaned to himself.

At this she turned, stopping in the center of the room. "Why?"

The simplicity of the question, location, and utterly overcomplicated answer just made him sigh, rubbing at the bridge of his nose lightly. "It's... complicated, alright? You just don't go telling other people's... ah, guests," he swallowed, annoyed at having to explain this in neutral terms. He'd almost called Kodama a date, and that on it's own was disturbing.

"Look," taking her arm, he guided her to the side, obscuring the line of sight to Kodama with a standing trellis, with climbing vines. "Let me get this... clear, so I know. Father isn't coming?" This point seemed to worry him most – he had no intention of seeing the man so soon after that whatever it was with Jack. Neither did he want to be caught at the same table as Rei, if he was expected.

It just made his skin crawl, thinking about it.

She shook her head and he breathed a sigh of relief. "OK. But you are hungry?" A nod was his answer. "Alright. Last question, for the moment. This isn't something you could have called to talk to me about?"

Rei's surprise was brief, but she nodded. "It would have been recorded by Section-2. Additionally, it is something I have been considering for some time."

Shinji reached up and rubbed at his temple slightly. Why did it always become so complicated... "Alright. You go sit, and wait. I'll be back in a moment."

When the other pilot made no move to return to her table, he rose a questioning brow. "Rei?"

"I was curious how one 'dumped' a date. I am waiting to observe."

"What do you-"

He was spun around then, and had a very brief glimpse of angry brown eyes before a palm made contact with his cheek, the impact making his ears ring. "Prick," was her only accusation, as Kodama stalked away without a backwards glance. Admittedly, the blow stunned him a moment, but he forgot it quickly when he saw Section-2 moving discreetly to intercept the young woman.

"Oh hell... Rei, will you-" She nodded and he moved to intercept the agent nearest Kodama, as the other pilot seemed to read his intent. Shinji just hoped to diffuse the situation before it could become even more mangled.

Shinji got close enough to hear the man say, "Excuse me, Nerv Security Section-2, I will need you to come with..." before he pulled up beside the now nervous woman, obviously unsettled by the agent's intimidating manner.

"Hi, um. That shouldn't be necessary."

Blanching when the man's veiled gaze swept over him, the agent seemed to consider this a moment. "Very well, pilot."

"It's just that ah... " he felt the need to give the woman something, other than Rei's implied motive, to leave with. It had nothing to do with him wanting to continue some liaison with her, so much as how rude he felt, and how she must feel after his behavior. "We needed to discuss some... classified material, and with my recent sickness I was unable. With my father expected..." He knew, that if anyone did, the agent would know of his father's movements. He only hoped the man would show some kind of empathy for the situation, and the young woman.

Kodama's eyes widened slightly. It was widely known that Shinji's father was the commander of Nerv, and with that, many knew he was not the most pleasant man, either by listening to those that worked in Nerv, or those that simply disagreed with his methods. Swallowing, she looked between the man and his charge, and seemed to loose some of the indignation that was present earlier. "I'm... I'm sorry, Shinji. Ah, I should be getting home."

A small idea struck him, and the pilot looked at the agent again, thinking perhaps he could press his luck. The worst that could happen, would be his plan could fail, and well... the day was already quite shot, as Misato would say. "Sir, it's late and it was partially my error that I'd forgotten this... could you escort her home?" Shinji wasn't surprised to see the man's brow rise, at his request. What did surprise him was the small nod he gave, and the brief, incomprehensible code he murmured into his lapel. "Thank you."

"Ma'am?" Kodama started, and then hurried off, mumbling her thanks, the agent slipping behind her as they made their way from the restaurant.

Shinji visibly slumped, relieved that the situation hadn't gotten too out of hand. No thanks to me really, he railed. What was he thinking, just going along with Kodama, coming in here? Memories of his reaction to the scents from the restaurant stirred his hunger again. Shinji made his way back to Rei's table, the impulse to hold a hand over his stomach to quell it's growing almost too strong to deal with.

Rei was already waiting for him, as he arrived. "You don't think that this will be a problem, do you?"

She shook her head, looking uncharacteristically weary. "No. Those agents are familiar with me, and I believe they have voiced a concern that I 'do not get out' enough. I know that agent Yosuke whom you spoke with has a daughter, our age. Your companion will be safe."

Thanking the waiter that came by to attend them, the young man leaned on a hand, trying to sort his errant thought unsuccessfully. "Just so strange..." he murmured, as he considered his last few days, nearly a week, since the incident.

"I do not understand." He blinked up at Rei, as she quietly regarded him.

"Ah. I'm still... um, I suppose not feeling very well. It's just compounding a bit and then the last few days have been a bit stressful." Smiling slightly, he hoped to put the young woman at ease, dismissing his own worries, but when her expression remained stoic, he let it fade. Rei wasn't one to react to such queues, really.

Instead she nodded once, and told the waiter her order. Shinji grinned, at the irony of her ordering a salad in a steakhouse. When his turn came, he forewent the menu, and ordered the largest cut available, in rare. The waiter looked him over curiously once but shrugged, taking down the request.

"Rei, what was it you wanted to speak with me about?" He'd thought to approach the topic more gently, but... if there was anyone on earth he could be frank with, it was Rei.

The young woman took a breath and nodded. "Yes. I am concerned about the current dynamic of our group."

"As pilots?"

Nodding, Rei seemed to hesitate, before continuing. "Although I do not... enjoy pilot Soryu's company, I worry on our efficiency, as pilots."

He considered this a moment, and nodded. "Right. Her competitiveness does seem... counterproductive. She's not a bad person, though. I just... I guess I have no idea how to work around it. It's part of who she is."

"Yes." Rei fell silent, as the two teens dwelled on their fiery peer. "I do not know what to do either. I do... feel, that the Angels will be stronger, in the future. They will become more difficult, to defeat." Paling slightly, Shinji had to admit it made a kind of sense. The fights up till now, though few, had been progressively harder. The last, it's range and seemingly impenetrable fortress of a shell, had nearly killed Rei, in fact.

"It makes no sense, really," he mused, thinking back to the redhead's personality, and behavior. "Despite her education, and her training that she talks about in Nerv Germany, she really doesn't do so well. What was father thinking?"

It was the chill silence after that comment, that pulled Shinji's attention back to Rei, as she sat staring at him with the same veiled irritation he'd seen before, when he questioned his father last. Unlike last time, he knew the source of her glare, "You have as much reason to blindly follow him, as I have to question him." He stated simply, causing Rei to blink.

"What do you know of my loyalty to the commander?"

Sighing, Shinji realized the error in what he'd done. Lying to her bothered him, but unless... if what he thought had happened, really did, then there was the risk that letting Rei know what he did would cause not only problems for her, but himself. Shinji didn't doubt for a moment that Gendo would do anything, if what he learned was true, to stand in his way. "You spoke of your bond to people at Yashima. And... well it was somewhat obvious in how you reacted last time."

Rei frowned. "You are... lying to me."

Shinji's chin slipped off his hand, where he was leaning. "Um." He should have known better that to try and lie to someone who spent almost all their time watching people.

"Will you tell me?" Her words tore at him, and he drew back, looking contemplative. Rei watched him carefully, her head tilted slightly to the side. "Why do you worry?"

"I... " sighing, he shook his head slowly. "Not here. I can't say here."

"I understand," but despite her words, her face was drawn in mild annoyance. Luckily, the waiter chose this moment to arrive with their meal.

All thoughts of the conversation died, when Shinji saw the meat laid out before him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Fenrir's Anthem**

\ \ \ \

Dr. Akagi pulled the sheet back off the table, and looked away quickly, her only company to the grisly sight there staring down impassively at the remains arranged on the examination slate. "As you can see, it's as I stated in my report." Her voice wavered, as she tried not to look at the man that had stood as a mentor and steadying force throughout Nerv since she'd come to be aware of it.

"So. Someone has taken you out of the game, Sensei." Looking down at the severely mangled remains of Kozo Fuyutsuki, Gendo showed little of the inner turmoil he was experiencing. A professor and pioneer in the field of meta-biology, the man, though experienced and a brilliant mind, had always been a risk to keep near. His fondness for Yui aside, Gendo had always held reservations, but the one thing that Kozo had brought to the table that he himself found needful was his stability, and cool decision making.

It was also his wary counsel to the more conservative side of things that was necessary, as Gendo admitted. He knew well, even so far as to admit such to the old man that his goals sometimes need the tempering of wisdom beyond him, to take on their true forms. "What did this?"

Ritsuko pulled her attention off the tile on the floor that was so engaging, and took a steadying breath. Christ she needed a cigarette. "The... soft tissue damage is severe. Also, there are... missing portions that are just not accounted for. I don't really-"

"Doctor." The woman stalled, looking up as Gendo leveled his eyes away from his long-time associate to her. "I did not ask how. I asked what."

"Of – of course." Looking at her reports, she was glad of the opportunity to look away from the man's brutalized corpse. "Tests are inconclusive. Blood flow and tissues show he was alive when most damage was done, implying that either... it was quickly after his death that the animals that did this found him, or it was them that killed him."

His eyes behind the glassed blinked once. "Are you saying, Doctor, that there is the possibility that wild dogs killed the Sub-commander?"

She didn't miss the ice in his tone, but there was little she could say in counter. "What I'm saying, is what is there. No bullet, no sign of a gunshot in the tissue we have to examine. No sign of localized trauma at time of death – most of it happened very soon after. I don't see this as a humane killing. Using animals to cover the results of torture is not unheard of, but work of this caliber, and with the on site evidence, would be almost improbable to stage."

Gendo's brow furrowed, as he considered her words. "On site evidence?"

"Blood. His. Everywhere. If he were tortured, they would have needed to... keep it, to be transported. But that would not explain the specifics of pattern. Blood splatter analysis shows most of it to be from injuries, not artificial."

"Tell me Doctor, how many deaths recently have been reported from wild animal attacks?"

Sighing, she reached up and rubbed at the bridge of her nose slowly. She assumed he meant here, and in the last year. "Less than a dozen. Half that away from the coastal areas."

The Commander's eyes narrowed slightly. "And yet, here we have a rather extraordinary example."

Dr. Akagi had no answer for that. "The local police want to launch an investigation. How do you want to handle this?"

Considering the question for a moment, he turned and walked away from the scene on the table. "Let them have access to the scene, and dispose of the body. There is no need for them to have access to it," and with that, Gendo was beyond the room, the door closing behind him.

Ritsuko's mouth worked silently a moment before she slapped the clipboard and it's folder down on the adjacent table, heaving a sigh. "Dispose... I suppose we don't even get to see you in a memorial, Kozo." Her irritation apparent now that she had no one else to witness it, the Doctor pulled the folder to herself and walked out as well, pulling the door closed to the facility morgue.

\ \ \ \

Rei watched with muted interest as her companion for the meal ate with... enthusiasm. During school, and their brief association in Nerv, she'd seen him eat meals, but never before in such a manner. "It would be healthy to supplement your diet, with something other than meat, Ikari."

Looking up, the young man blinked, then looked down at his plate in quiet confusion. "Ah..." His steak was already all but eaten, a few scraps remaining. That on it's own wasn't cause for pause, but that his hands were the only things so fair soiled, his utensils clean and untouched, was. "I'm sorry!"

The woman across from him merely blinked once and shrugged slightly, a fractional lowering of a shoulder. "I do not mind. I would suggest you try the salad, it is rather tasteful." So saying, she took another small mouthful of the chopped vegetables, her eyes casting back to her meal.

Shinji was still in mild shock at his lack of manners. He'd registered that the food was brought out, remembered that it smelled... amazing, then he was looking up at Rei and her question. A nearly pound and a half steak, more meat than he ever ate in a sitting, and it was already all but gone. Even as he considered that, it occurred to him that his hunger was barely curbed. "What is going on," he murmured quietly, brows knit as he wiped slowly at his hands, acutely aware that there were likely those nearby watching him after his lack of manners. His blush was slow though, as where normally his embarrassment would be severe in such a position, he currently had too much on his mind, or nothing all apparently, to counter it.

"Ikari?" Her quiet question brought his attention back up, and he nodded for her to continue. "Are you feeling unwell?"

"No I'm... just." Looking about a moment he took a breath and let it out slowly. At least the fog that had seemed to addle his mind had cleared, since eating. "I'm just sorry about my lack of manners, and wondering why I'm still hungry, I guess."

Rei considered him a moment and turned her attention back to her meal. "Perhaps your diet has lacked protein."

Such a simple answer set him to laughing, but he nodded as well. "Perhaps."

"Will you still discuss with me what we were speaking of earlier?"

He found his appetite suddenly dimming. "Like I said Rei, this isn't the place for such a thing." When her expression didn't change, he took a stilling breath, "Alright. We'll... go to a park, or somewhere less public. I'll tell you what I can, but once that's done – no promises, alright."

Rei didn't know why he was being so evasive, but the fact it made him so, what he knew, didn't comfort her. She was well aware of the Commander's lack of tolerance to any disruption to his plans, but that his son had come upon some information regarding her part in it... Such information could be nothing but a disruption. It would also undoubtedly be dangerous to Shinji. It was her duty to find out what impact, and how far his knowledge went. "That is acceptable."

Their meal concluded without fanfare, and the two settled their bill and left, Shinji noting it was growing late. He'd not called Misato, and likely Asuka was irate about having to fend for herself... He'd sort such things out when he was home. Looking to his left, Rei was her usual self, moving quietly, without flourish. "Do you have a preference where to speak?"

"I do not. I assume that the Lt. Colonel's home would not be acceptable."

Laughing quietly, Shinji shook his head. "No, I don't think so. There's a park nearby. Will that do? I can walk you home after, since it's late," and I'd like to see how you react to what I have to say, he finished quietly.

It wasn't a long walk, but with their meal and the small fiasco, night was just falling when they sat, on either side of a bench. "So." Looking out over the park, he noted with some happiness that the fountain would make enough noise to stifle any simple surveillance, but he had no idea what methods Section-2 employed. "Will this be alright?"

As if sensing his worry, she moved halfway down the bench. "Here, it should be. Too loudly, and sound will carry."

"I see." With his nerves going in irritatingly erratic directions, Shinji moved marginally closer to the quiet young woman. "Alright, I told you I'd tell you... but I have to know something first. How much of this will reach my father? If I tell you what I know, how far does your duty go, to him?"

As she blinked rapidly, the young man realized the conundrum he'd presented to her. If he told her what he knew, then there was the distinct possibility that she would need to let the Commander know, but without knowing precisely what it was, she couldn't say, before hand. "You make this very difficult," was her only reply for many moments, affirming what he'd assumed.

Looking about the park, Shinji allowed himself a brief nod. "I am. Because this isn't easy. Like you said, these Angels may be more and more difficult to kill as time goes on. That also applies to us, don't you see?" He resisted the urge to pace, and instead let his tension play out in his fists, clenching and unclenching slowly. "Why? Why are the Angels attacking, and only here? Why and what are the Evas, what did we know before they were made, and why was it so convenient that they were ready, for the Angels? Things are too convenient, and it makes no sense. We make no sense – pilots for such things, but only our age?" Shaking his head angrily, Shinji looked back at the young woman, now looking down at her own hands uneasily. "These are what I wonder, each time I walk into that place. That and more."

"It is our duty-"

"No, it's not," Rei sat, stunned at his words. Not only the implication but the force behind them. "Why is it our duty, Rei? Why specifically us?"

She stared at her hands, not looking up to meet his gaze. "Only we can pilot the Eva. If the Angels..."

"Yes, only us – but that does not tell me why. What are they after? Why here?" Shinji prompted, and she shook her head slowly.

"I cannot say."

Scrubbing a hand through his hair, the young man leaned back against the bench angrily. "Cannot or will not? Damn all these secrets. Why do they expect us to do this? Blindly? I'm sorry, but Rei, you don't strike me as the sort to be the hero, risking and willing to sacrifice it all for humanity."

"It is my..."

"Duty? Bond?" Snorting, Shinji surprised himself at his rancor. The time he'd spent mulling over and over the things Jack had told him over the last week, and it only strengthened his aggravation. The secrets being kept from those that were put forward on the front lines of this war, most of all. It didn't matter, right now if they failed, that all humanity would die. That was supposedly a given. None of the other staff of Nerv dealt with the unsettling trial that was piloting an Eva, or the stress of being there, facing down beings of unimaginable power. "Don't we deserve to know? If what they say is right, and the Angels win, then it's all over. Win what? _How_?" Turning, he noted how anxious Rei was, how unsettled. Her eyes darted from her fingers to the ground and back as if she were searching for something.

"I... why do you question so much? Why?" Her words were weak, quiet but he didn't let that deter him, too far into his own questions, his own anger.

His hands _ached_, and he barely resisted the urge to stand and pace, by clenching them hard again and again. "How can I not, Rei? I ask because it's my life, and yours too." Looking up at the young woman, he wanted to just... make her understand. "So. Since you won't answer my questions, I'll do it myself.

"The Angels seek Adam, and like Nerv seek Instrumentality," when she gasped, he shook his head ruefully, watching her from the corner of his eye. "How far do I need to go, Rei?" Her silence was his only answer. "How far do you plan to follow my father?" Taking her shoulders, Shinji turned her to face him, unrepentant at the anxiety in her eyes at his accusation. "To the end of humanity? Doesn't that seem... hypocritical? Save them, this bond you lord over Asuka and me, only to be the tool to destroy it!"

"Ikari I don't... you're hurting me."

Standing, his anger drained suddenly as it had flared, Shinji looked down at her where she sat, rubbing idly at her arms where he'd grasped her. Looking around, he saw Section-2 agents standing by anxiously, watching him – watching them. "I'm sorry, Rei. This was a mistake."

He wasted no time walking away, leaving her behind as he contemplated his anger, his frustration and how it had ruled him, at her expense. His offer to walk her home forgotten, as he wondered what was wrong with him, why he had gotten so angry at her. Rei... could she be what Jack claimed? His mind raced, and he clenched his fists again, the pain helping his mind to clear.

Was she so loyal to his father that she'd betray him, betray all the world for him? Jack had told him that she was critical to his father's plans, she was key – but that nothing he could do, would affect her. What did that mean? Jack gave him some answers, which only lead to more questions it seemed.

More questions and doubt in his place, as a pilot. "This... arrrgh. Either I let the Angels win and everything dies, or I let my father win and everything dies!" His mind circled in those patterns, long after he'd made it home, and shrugged off Asuka's grumbling about his lateness.

In her own apartment, Rei looked at her arms, the light bruising as she inspected them intently. Her mind cast back to Shinji's conversation, and her breath hitched again.

Was she afraid? Her body's reactions had spoken that much. Fear of Ikari...? No. She wasn't... afraid of him during his questions. Afraid for him, would be the best way to put it, she reasoned. Rei wasn't foolish or naïve – she knew her nature, to a degree. Knew she wasn't the first, or the last Ayanami. Knew her purpose in this plan of the Commander's, yet, there in itself was a darkness in her mind. If she was... "If I am to join with Lilith, then does that make me of her? Or am I human? What am I?"

Other people weren't replaceable. Even if the technology was there, they could not, without vast difficulty, capture and imprint the soul on another body, and even then there were no guarantees. Yet she, obviously, had been. It was planned for in fact, and the impression of her mind was even a parcel to be used in the Dummy Plugs that Akagi worked so diligently on. Did that make her less than human? More? Or was the measure a mistake.

What was she, that could steer Instrumentality?

Uncharacteristically, she found herself angry. Angry at Shinji for raising such questions, where before she had calm certainty and a quiet resolve. Angry at herself for faltering, in questioning, her duty. Even, she admitted with a slight shock, angry at the Commander. So much of her knowledge was logic, gained over the use and exposure she had within Nerv. That was was often present by the Commander, meant she had an intimate knowledge of it's workings. The Evas. Lilith. The Dummy Plugs. Adam. Angels. All of it, and it's place in Seele's, and the Commander's scenario. Yet, very little from his own words, had she learned. He demanded her obedience, as Ikari accused, but... at what right. What did he give her back, to reward such loyalty? Was it earned, or abused?

That idea shook her, to her core. Rei had never questioned him, because... she faltered in her thinking, an odd ache settling behind her eyes. She wasn't the first.

Who was? Who was the first Rei? What caused her to die?

She wished, then, that she could unhear Shinji's words. Undo this oppressive night of questions and anger. Laying down in her unkempt bed she resolved to do two things, soon.

First, she would find out what happened to the first Rei Ayanami. Such an idea might have broken a weaker mind, but having had it drilled into her, that she was without value – replaceable and yet also key to a plan was a fool's tactic. One cannot be without worth, and vital at once.

Next, understand what Ikari had learned. In doing so, perhaps she would find some answers as well.

And in asking, perhaps another mystery, she mulled silently, her mind already slowing in the early stages of sleep. The blood on her sleeves... yet no cuts on her arms. He had grasped her with unusual strength, but...

Where had the blood come from, then?

\ \ \ \

Not that it was terribly surprising to him, but Rei was absent the next day. "Probably talking to the Commander about what to do about me," he groused, opening his laptop for the day's lesson. Almost before the backlight had fully brightened, his first message of the day blinked angrily at him.

"Why was Section-2 escorting my sister home, Ikari?" Hikari's message flickered, the urgent tag on it apparent. Groaning, he let his forehead bang into the keyboard, trying to figure out which god he'd pissed off this week.

Leaning his chin on a hand, he typed out his response while pretending to pay attention to their lecture. "Got caught up in a pilot meeting. Made a mistake in timing. Was late, wanted to make sure she got home safe." Good enough and not a lie, he figured, and prodded the "Send" option savagely.

Mercifully, the rest of the day passed without much fanfare or aggravation from classmates. Still, he was preoccupied with the discussion the prior night with Rei, and by the end of the afternoon he was jumping at every shadow, every small unusual noise, expecting Section-2 agents. His lunch was handed to Touji, who shrugged and ate without comment, his own appetite settling on different fare. Shinji admitted it now, his body just seemed disinclined to the rice and vegetables that he'd packed, like he had for a month now.

He would have to do something about that tonight. Shinji knew his concentration was shot to hell, and if he were to go in for a sync test, it'd be a nightmare. Ritsuko would have him in every night for a solid week for fouling up once. Not something he wanted to think about. Evening bells tolled, and he shrugged off the few attempts to get his attention – mostly Kensuke and Asuka, and made his way to the local market.

"Tch... why so expensive." Sighing, he picked at the packaged meats, weighing his own appetite versus the possibility his roommates would find an excuse to 'borrow' his groceries. It was rare he picked up anything for himself, and he found out early on that anything particularly tasty tended to disappear rather mysteriously, whenever someone decided they needed something done that had him out of the apartment. Thankfully these at least needed cooking. That bettered the odds of him being able to enjoy them, as Asuka was too wrapped up in herself to stoop to such a menial task as cooking, and Misato could burn water.

Settling on the largest economy pack of steaks, he also picked up some grocer's film to repack them. Standing over the meat cooler reminded him that he hated the smell of old blood, and he wanted to dispose of the absorbent pack as soon as possible. Shinji's monthly account was significantly smaller when he left, but his spirits were high, in it's stead. Speeding home he scanned the parking enclosure for Misato's Alpine, and seeing it still absent prayed he had the chance to have his own meal, before his roommates arrived.

Judging by Asuka and Hikari's chatting, he half expected them to be here studying, particularly if Misato would be at Nerv. That... would be complicated. Chewing his lip as he rode the elevator up, he realized that if he tried to eat with guests over, it would be horribly rude and impolite to not offer them some as well. It disturbed him to think that just groceries could make him so... territorial, but Shinji had to admit, these weren't the 200 yen bags of chips or candy that went missing often enough.

As for being rude with company, "Not that Asuka would have that problem," he groused. If he were to do that with the two of them alone, she'd likely just take the plate and stalk off, asking 'what, aren't you hungry?' as he he'd made it her her alone.

Growling to himself, he was surprised to hear the sound reverberate around the elevator. The echo snapped him out of his annoyance enough to sneak up to the door, and listen a moment before keying it open. There wasn't much chance of stealth at this point, so he just announced himself after slipping his shoes off.

To his relief, PenPen was his only company for the moment. Barely sparing his small roommate a glance, Shinji sped into the kitchen and unloaded his bags, working quickly to repack them into smaller, more easily accessed – and hidden, sizes with the grocer's film he'd picked up. With a start he jumped when PenPen jabbed at his shin with his beak, motioning to his bowl. "Aha, um. Give me a minute. Almost done then we can both eat."

His final supplies well hidden in the refrigerator below the vegetables and behind the bottled water, Shinji set one particularly large steak on a plate for himself and went about the simple task of feeding Misato's pet. It amazed him sometimes that the poor thing was still alive, considering her habits and tendency to just disappear. Not to mention her cooking. "Bet you were glad to have roommates," he asked, leaning down to place the warmed sardines for the grateful waterfowl.

Sighing contently, he sat as well and tore into his steak.

It was a few moments later that he realized, in his distraction with feeding PenPen, that the steak was still raw. This happened at approximately the same moment that the door keyed open, and he heard someone around the foyer corner kicking off their shoes.

Two someones. "I'm home," was the surly alarm of Asuka's presence, and Shinji looked down in panic at the half eaten steak, still occupying his plate. And his lightly bloody hands. And his shirt. "Christ, when did I turn in to Misato," was his private wail, as he snatched up the plate and dashed for the sanctuary of his room.

"Shinji! Hey, where's..." the sound of his door pulling to caused the young woman to blink, as Hikari peered around the corner. "Dinner."

Sniffing the air, Hikari's nose wrinkled. "Smells like someone was shopping – oh my god PenPen!" Grinning happily, the young woman knelt by the now supremely content penguin, lavishing attention on him.

Asuka sighed, knowing she'd never figure out what Hikari meant, as long as she was in 'oh my god cute!' mode. Honestly sometimes it seemed like she was the only adult around. Speaking of... "Misato?" When no one answered, she heaved a sigh and started rifling through the dry foods, looking for something simple for them to snack on. She'd hoped that with the Third leaving early, he'd have dinner ready when she got home, hopefully with enough for Hikari. She could have called him and warned him, but he always made too much. That's how it was supposed to work, but with Shinji being antisocial and Misato gone, she'd have to fend for herself. Unless... "Be right back, Hikari."

Stomping off to Shinji's room, she pulled the shutter open and just blinked at what she saw. His hands up over his head, shirt still bound up on them, the young man was standing there in his boxers and little else, other than a glare. "Do you even know how to knock?"

The comment pulled her attention off him and back onto her task, and Asuka's eyes narrowed. "We have company, and it was your turn-"

He'd expected this tactic, and managed not to grin when it was obvious she'd not given it much thought, "Don't. Not even close." Jabbing a finger at the calendar by the door, he indicated the very prominent red "A" on the current date. "And that's no excuse to come barging in. I'll come out and say hello when I'm changed."

Her color rising, and not in embarrassment, the other pilot crossed her arms and returned the glare. "I have company, I can't very well make food _and_ entertain. So when you're done playing in here, come make something," turning, she was about to close the shutter when the next word literally caused her to nearly fall.

"No."

Turning, she stumbled back as the other pilot was just a few inches away. "What do you-"

The shutter closed in her face with a bang, and it was all she could do not to break the thing down. "Why you..." storming back into the living room, her footsteps startled PenPen who scampered off to his 'room', while Asuka went about the business of opening and slamming every counter in the kitchen, looking for something while obviously not paying attention to anything in front of her.

Hikari winced at each impact, wondering what exactly had happened between the two pilots, when Shinji walked out of the hallway, an unfamiliar scowl on his face. With a growing sense of dread, the Class Rep realized this was a very bad day to come over and study. "Do you mind? I don't think Misato would appreciate her kitchen being destroyed by one of your tantrums."

"My tantrums...?" Spinning quickly, her hair flaring out with her school uniform with the motion, she saw the source of her annoyance standing there, glaring at her. Again. Despite it she seemed to grasp the situation with a smile, and made her way out of the kitchen, "Why Shinji, how nice of you to come make dinner for us."

Snorting, he shook his head, and the redhead stopped with a glare. Sighing, Shinji just looked to Hikari and offered her a small grin. "Did Kodama make it home alright last night? I would have asked, but Keita was looking over my shoulder, and I'd rather not start rumors."

She blinked in surprise but nodded, "Y-yes, she did. I was worried when I saw those scary men in their suits, but then realized they were with Nerv. She was a bit upset though."

"I'll have to apologize then," he offered, nodding slightly.

"What were you doing with Hikari's sister, that got Section-2 involved? Did you do something perverse on the train?" Asuka's laugh didn't give him a chance to respond, and his fist clenched again, the internal war he always fought around the girl getting his tension up as usual. The bothersome thing today, as that it wouldn't be still. He couldn't find his calm, that center where he retreated to just let everything wash off him. It seemed like all his emotions was raw and weary, and the one thing he knew Asuka would revel in, was getting him flustered. Sadly, her attempts to cajole, bully and mock him had done little more than piss him off for the last few days, and today he just couldn't stifle that reaction.

Why couldn't she just pretend to be sociable? Was she always such an insufferable... "Bitch." His eyes narrowed, he was barely aware the word had left his lips before the sound settled around the room.

Hikari swallowed, as the temperature seemed to drop in the room. "What did you just say?" Asuka's voice was deceptively calm, which was reason enough for her to be uncomfortable.

His hand clenched reflexively. "Hikari, I apologize but perhaps this isn't the best time to come over-" The impact of a hand, for the second time in twenty four hours, rang in his ears.

"Don't you ignore me!" To Asuka's surprise, the young man didn't flinch. She readied another blow, but before she could do more than look slightly to the side where Hikari was calling her name in shock, when something took her by shoulders and spun her into a wall, her head impacting the hard surface and sending stars across her vision.

Shinji absently took note of Hikari's hand over her mouth, and Asuka sliding down the wall beside the foyer, rubbing at the back of her head. Without another word, he stalked back to his bedroom, returning with only a light jacket and his hand in a pocket. Nodding in apology to the Class Rep, he left without another word.

The door slammed, and the noise seemed to rouse the two young women from their thoughts. "Asuka... are you alright?"

"Oh I'm fine, but he's not going to-" She mumbled hotly, the other young woman helping her up. At her growling reply, the hand on her arm clenched tighter, and the redhead winced. "What?"

Looking away, Hikari let the pilot go and just shook her head slowly. "Just... let him go. Some thing's obviously bothering him, and it's not worth it to get in a fight over. Alright?"

"Did you hear what he called me?" Her voice going a bit shrill, the pilot pushed away from her classmate and glared at the door sullenly. "I can't let him get away with that."

"You did accuse him of... and Kodama was fine! They just had their dinner interrupted-" clapping her hands over her mouth, she realized the error almost as she made it.

"Their dinner." Again, Asuka's voice had that quiet, slow menace that always foretold her anger being barely in check. "Are you trying to tell me, that Shinji the Idiot, and your older sister were on a date?"

"No, it's not like that!"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Slumping, the Class Rep just sat heavily on the couch, her hands tucked into her lap. "He's not been himself. Haven't you noticed?" Snorting derisively, the redhead none the less sat down beside the rattled young woman and motioned for her to continue. "Well. The other day after his... absence, he'd called me."

Suspicion was clear in her eyes, but Asuka kept her temper. "Called? You?"

Nodding, she seemed supremely uncomfortable with herself. "There was a day, that same day actually, and I felt... I don't know, just horrible. Like I'd spent the night up and... worse. I just felt bad, and my nose kept bleeding... well. We were talking that day at lunch-"

"About this?" A moment passed and the young woman's blue eyes closed to slits, "You _lied_ to me?"

"Will you let me finish!" Breathing hard, Hikari didn't miss the hardness that crept over her friend's eyes, and swore silently. "He knew about the dream, that I had. I dreamed something bad happened to me, and he knew about it. It scared me! I wanted to know... but all he said was something about someone lying." Shaking her head, the young woman closed her eyes tight and stifled a sob. Too much stress, she chided herself. These people, they live in so much danger it keeps them wound tight like a bow. She couldn't live that way.

Shoving her anger to the side, Asuka let herself think about what Hikari was saying, her teeth worrying at her lip slowly. "He knew about it?"

"He... yes. He was in it too."

That made Asuka pause a moment. Did she really want to know... sighing, she shrugged. "What was the dream of?"

Hikari's mouth worked silently a moment, but with a stilling breath she began the brief flashes she remembered, of someone threatening her, and a man named Jack.

\ \ \ \

"God damn her." Snarling, Shinji just tread through the rain, not really paying attention to where his feet lead. He'd called Misato, informing her of their falling out, and the response had been... less than what he'd hoped. "Lover's quarrel! That woman really has no idea how real people work." Stomping a particularly large puddle savagely, he sighed, the water soaking into his already drenched clothes. "Like I'm any better."

Despite the fall chill, he wasn't uncomfortable. In fact, it was pleasant. The cool water helped him think, calmed him. The only problem with it...

The rain traffic and water reminded him of that night. Shaking his head hard, he let his mind go blank, refusing to think back on those memories. What could he do? He'd already burned the one bridge he felt like having, in Rei. Asuka was a null situation. Sure, she was intelligent, intuitive when it came to complex problems and good at logic, but all that just made her more insufferable. Why did smart people have to be so... stupid?

Was he sure Rei betrayed him? Running a hand through his soaked hair, he had to admit, it was his own paranoia there talking. For all he knew, she was questioning the Commander on his behalf, not plotting his death with the man. That brought another question to mind, as he stalled in his random walking, a crosswalk turning for traffic.

"_Could_ he kill me?" Despite the morbidity of imagining his father killing him, he considered it seriously. "He's locked me up in the past, but... supposedly they need Unit-01. I'm it's only pilot. Until that changes, I suppose he can't, can he." Brow furrowed slightly, Shinji looked over the cityscape, trying to place his bearings. Lights from the downtown area were far to his west, and nearby he could hear the sounds of construction and the broken horizon of the residential reconstruction zone. With a snort, he figured if irony was driving, that he may as well see the sights.

Dirt and disuse were the first words that came to mind, as he looked over Rei's apartment building. "I can't imagine someone paying to live here," he mused, realizing that likely it was his father's idea, or aim to do this. "Why doesn't she just live at the Nerv barracks?"

He figured it was a valid question. Maybe if she was here, he'd ask the young woman. "Rei?" Her door, as it was last time, was slightly ajar and had mail overflowing from it. "Rei, I'm coming in."

Dark and musty, just like he remembered. Wrinkling his nose against the smell of dust and moldy plaster, Shinji called once more from the foyer, and a faint reply came from inside this time. "I am here."

"I just came by to say sorry, about the other night." Stepping hesitantly into the main room, he was first caught by the state it was in. It looked as if a small typhoon had lighted there, and spent some time reorganizing. He remembered the room messy, but this... "What happened here?"

"I was... displeased."

The dim light did nothing to help him pick her out in the darkness, but as his eyes adjusted, Shinji nearly immediately wished they hadn't. "What...?" Rei sat upon her bed, silhouetted by the window, blinds drawn, behind her. Dust and the dirty air gave the room a halo, as light shone in and it was an oddly... poetic scene he felt. She sat there, her face down and in shadow while before was spread out folders, a stack of two boxes nearby, and photos. Her small table had been pulled close, and a television sat there, it's screen left to static. He noted briefly that it still had the ownership tag of a rental agency, and wasn't surprised. "What are you working on?"

"Ikari... you asked me some very difficult questions, last night." Finally she looked up, and the coldness in her eyes made him wince. Even before, when he'd just started piloting and attending the same classes as her, he'd never seen such... distance. "I am curious, as anyone. I ask questions, as anyone. Is it not unfair to assume otherwise?"

"Well, yes. Rei what's all this about," he swallowed briefly, watching as she ran fingers along a few photos, things he couldn't see from this distance. He wanted to move closer, see what she was looking at, what had caused in her such an unbalance. Without realizing it, he'd come to rely on her cool steadiness, her calm, and to see her as this, upset him more than a little. He'd nearly forgotten the state of his clothes till he sneezed, and remembered it with the chill that accompanied it. "I shouldn't come in, I'm drenched."

"I do not care. Take off your jacket and hang it in the shower, if you want." Deciding that was likely for the best, he did so, noting that the small shower stall was only marginally better kept than the rest of the space Rei called home.

Returning, he looked about the room a moment, mind trying to picture Rei doing this. He failed. "What made you so angry?"

"I began to question. Hard questions, like yours. Perhaps you know. Perhaps not. But other than us, only Doctor Akagi and the Commander know of my nature, at all."

"I, I really don't know that much of it Rei. I don't," Shinji was having problems catching up to her thinking, and it worried him. Deciding that the worst he could do is get thrown out, he moved closed and sat without invitation on the corner of her bed, across from the young woman. "Why don't you start from the beginning, Rei. I'm not following well here."

Her finger idly tapped one of the photo's, then. Shinji could tell it was a printout from a surveillance recording, or a cheap video feed. It had that grainy, badly focused appearance. Despite it, there was Rei, small and in a maroon dress, smiling – his eye strayed to the date. "What the...?"

"Yes." She ran a hand along the image, as if trying to remember that time. "This is... me. Yet it is... not. I do not remember."

Shinji was still mulling over the date, only five years ago, when the impact of what she said hit him. "That... this can't be you."

Smiling ruefully, she looked up at him, the difference in expression between the two dramatic. "Yet it is. This Rei, was... born, in 2006. She died in 2010, killed by Naoko Akagi."

His eyes widening, Shinji drew back slightly, "Akagi?"

"The same." Rei pulled a set of three photos out and Shinji looked away, paling. "It was no less shocking to me."

"I can't imagine it being more so, for anyone," he'd barely looked in time, but the image was still burned into his mind. A young Rei, her hands slack to the side and eyes rolled up into her skull, a woman with dark hair and a twisted expression with her hands almost meeting around the little girl's neck. "I just. I don't understand."

"It is taking some time to piece together." Frowning slightly, Rei looked up and around her meager room slowly. "Would you like some water? I would offer tea, but have none."

"No, it's alright, no... would you like some tea? I could go get some. I think I could use some air, honestly," his voice strained, the young man stood and tried to shake the strangeness of the situation from his mind. Rei? She was... four, in those pictures, but how? That would make the Rei he knew only eight – but that was providing that the ones in the pictured didn't die. "My head hurts."

"Tea would be... nice." The use of an actual affected adjective caused him to raise a brow. "I will walk with you. I know the closest market."

Nodding, Shinji helped her with her shoes, while slipping his back on. "Is that," pointing to the boxes on the bed, he continued, "why you were absent today?"

Pausing a moment as they walked onto the apartment's main hall, she shook her head slowly. "No, not entirely. There were many things that I felt were more important today, than extraneous classwork."

The sound of Shinji nearly falling over caused her to pause. "I mean, yeah the lectures are droll, but... isn't that a bit harsh?"

Rei hesitated, but in the end merely shrugged and continued to the stairs. "Perhaps."

It was well into evening when they returned, and with the walk both had managed to sort through some of their thoughts on the most current matters. "Rei, is it alright if I ask about those files?" Questions were easier, Shinji figured, than the unknown. At least if they knew the answers, there would be no frightening variables.

"I will answer what I feel allowable," she said evenly, and he sighed, knowing it was the best to hope for.

"How could you – that Rei, be four, and you be fifteen?"

As she boiled water, he set about the apartment, righting small things, picking up the more obvious mess. It was less an act of kindness, so much as a refusal to idle in his own thoughts. "It is difficult, but be patient with me. Some of these things I do not understand as well.

"You think I am party to all the workings of Nerv, but I am not. I am very observant, and... possibly due to my nature, most do not see me as a threat. So they speak freely." Turning, she brought two cups and the water, placing it on a tile on the table. "Much like class. People do not see me, because to them, I am not there."

Shinji nodded, the truth in those words easy to see. "But you're also part of the plan, so some of it has to be explained or known."

"This is true. Again, most often my company was that of the planners themselves as well." Holding her cup before her, Rei seemed to be looking through the steam, through him. "You accused me of holding secrets, but you must understand, it is all I've known. My duty, my role in this, my very nature are all things that at least in part, are kept from me."

"Father," he spat the word, and just closed his eyes, uncaring of the reaction she would have to the incrimination in his voice. When he did look up, he was surprised to see her expression unchanged. "So, he manipulates you as well?"

"Is it manipulation when you follow your teacher's advice? When a commanding officer issues an order to a subordinate?" Shaking her head slowly, Rei reached over and looked at a small packet of medication, brow furrowing. She replaced it, unopened. "This was my life. Orders. Being taught what I am, what my goal is."

"What is your goal?"

Rei blinked up at him, her eyes blank. "Your father's will. Only that. The totality of it is: pilot Eva, report any changes in myself, or those I feel relevant, make objective observations of the working relationship of the pilots, and when the time comes, fulfill my orders without question." She shook her head slowly, eyes dropping back to her tea. "There is little else, that I have been told, yet I have learned much."

She must have, he thought to himself. He'd never heard her speak so much, so easily. Perhaps it had been more of a burden on her than he'd imagined. Who else did she have to speak with? Particularly about her doubts? "About his plan for you?"

"Yes." Heaving a sigh, she poured a second cup of water, retrieving another bag of tea for it. "There are many plans, many planners. But the result of them all will be my ultimate death." She turned quickly at the sound of his cup clattering, and handed Shinji a napkin.

"Thanks, sorry. Just surprised."

Nodding noncommittally, Rei sat again. "It is difficult to understand, the weaving and dodging of wills in this." Her pause was long this time, and uneasily, Shinji looked over the printed photos again. "I believe I am to be made one with that which is below Nerv. Perhaps it is what the Angels seek. Beyond that, I am unsure."

Shaking his head, Shinji leaned back in his chair, running a hand through his hair. "Enough, though. More than should be on you." It was his turn, to stare into his tea, and with a sigh he put it down. "Why all this, though." Gesturing to the bed, the folders on it, he continued. "Why now?"

To his surprise, Rei smiled at this. "Before, no one questioned. Before you came to Tokyo-3, the only other pilot was a record in Germany only. I had no reason to be curious, because all I needed was given to me, all outside that scope was to be considered unimportant."

"But... to drive you blindly to death. It's too cruel, even for him it seems."

Nodding, Rei looked pointedly to her makeshift desk, and the small brown case there. "Yet all evidence points to it." When Shinji made a questioning noise, she went on, "Why does the Commander care so little for my schooling? It is for appearances only, such has been stated. Are not guardians to be concerned with one's future?" At Shinji's nod, Rei went silent.

Watching her, it was obvious what she was thinking about, as her eyes looked around the apartment. This wasn't a place that encouraged futures. "You... you said you had an idea about the photos?" A change of subject was needed, and badly. Grasping, he turned to the only thing at hand, that wouldn't seem like too much of a reach.

"I was not the first... I will not be the last." Her simple statement confused Shinji, till the gravity of it sunk in. When he started, she nodded slightly. "There is something... missing, inside me. I know it. I look at those pictures, and it's as if... I can almost remember her. I can, but it is elsewhere. Locked away."

The idea she was already accepting her death as an inevitability shook him, so much so that he stood and took her by the shoulders, much like the night before. "Rei, what do you mean, not the last? Do you expect him to kill you?" The image on those files mocked him. "Replace you?" He knew it was a possibility, and the girls sitting in front of him made it a certainty, but the circumstances... would he do it just to clear a slate, so to speak? Fix a mistake? "Why would he?"

"There are few pilots," she said hesitantly, her lips thinning. "Few Evas for them, and I would not see there be more people like us, subjected to this. It is not a pleasant thing."

"No, no it's not. I'd actually hate to see Kensuke in an Eva, that just is not a picture that needs to come to pass." The slight lift to her lips settled his frayed nerves somewhat. "What do... what do you plan to do?"

"I do not know." Walking over to her bed, the young woman sat and turned on the television, the tape inside whirring to life as she did so. "Many things have changed, in this last day. I do not know what to think yet. My anchor is not solid, now."

She feels adrift, like me, he reasoned. For good reason, if what he was seeing was real. Cloned. No way around it, and in some advanced way, if they could alter her age. Why would they... oh. "They knew, that the Angels would be here. It's why they sent for me. Why they, ah. Accelerated you."

"Signs would point to yes," she answered quietly. "Either they knew, or something has triggered them, but your arrival was too much a coincidence. I believe it to be as you say."

The tape was a silent recording, and not very recent. With a growing sense of unease, he noted the time stamp in the corner was the same as that on the photos he'd seen. It had to have been the source of those print outs, which meant... To reinforce his feeling, he saw a small child, undoubtedly Rei, talking to his father, before the man left the camera's view. Shortly a woman appeared, and as he watched, the tableau played out again, only this time there was no mistake. The small girl looked up happily, said something and the woman visibly stiffened. Again, something was said, and then the nightmare began. He winced as the young girl's head shifted hard at a point, evidence of broken vertebrae from her assailant's grip. A moment passed and the older woman ran forward, away from the camera and into the darkened corridor, out of the camera's eye. With a start, he realized what he was seeing was the bridge, above the Magi, and that the direction she ran... heaving a sigh, Shinji looked to the young woman, her eyes blank as the scene played again. "This is why Ritsuko has such animosity to you, isn't it?"

"Yes. I can think of no... This is the best reason, perhaps."

"I don't like that hesitation."

Glancing over to him briefly, she turned her attention to the tape, the play set to loop as the young woman spoke. "Perhaps I require some secrets still."

Rubbing at his temple, Shinji nodded. He could relate to that sentiment. "I don't mind knowing more about you, about this. I don't think I need to know everything, though it's not something I'll complain about, you opening up like this."

"Will you tell me something in turn then?" His fleeting sense of comfort, at the idea of having a friend and confidant like Rei vanished. She turned her eyes on him, and he could feel the question in them, before she asked it.

Nodding slowly, he ventured the query for her, "Where did I find out what I did?" A simple nod was his answer. "I suppose at this point, we're either trusting each other, or you're going to great lengths to set me up."

Rei blinked rapidly at the last comment. "You believe I would do that?"

"You have to admit, you've got the best poker face in Tokyo-3."

"I will take that under advisement," she said shortly, and Shinji winced.

Stumbling over his words a moment, he groaned and shook his head. "Sorry, I just meant to say you'd do well in that place. I'm not saying you are doing that." Standing, he paced about quietly, glad to be away from that morbid scene playing over and over on the young woman's screen. "I'm sorry," he said quietly, facing the window that looked out over the other construction sites. "You really are the closest thing I have to a friend here. I didn't mean to imply I didn't trust you."

"It is understandable," Rei replied, but her tone was still chilly. "I will admit, you have been a terrible disruption to my normal way of life." Somewhat put off, Shinji looked back at her, only to find her watching him carefully. "I am not saying it is a bad thing."

Laughing, Shinji hazarded to reach out and smooth down a stray tuft of hair that was out of place by her ear. "We need to get you a thesaurus." Taking a breath he sat, and sorted his thoughts. "This all began on a night like tonight, when I met someone who said his name was Jack..."

She could tell he was leaving out details, with how he paused, and how hard he had to think to word some things, but didn't question it. Some of the implications didn't sit well with Rei, regardless, least of all the blatant kidnapping of a pilot. She asked if he'd spoken to anyone in Section-2 about it, but he simply shrugged it off, saying if the man had managed what he did already, then likely they'd never catch the man.

Their chatting had gone on some time into the evening, till with a start Shinji's phone rang. "Oh, I forgot the time," he hissed, seeing Misato's number on his phone. "Hello?"

"Shinji, where are you?" Her voice wasn't terse, just curious, for which he was grateful.

Biting his lip a moment, he looked about, unsure what to tell... "I went out for some tea after the argument with Asuka," he hoped the half truth wasn't too obvious.

The line was silent only a moment, "Alright. You should head back soon. Do you need a ride? Wait never mind, where can I pick you up? I can't have you out on the streets this late."

"Really Misato, I'll be fine," he dodged, yet the woman would not be satisfied till he let her pick him up. To his surprise, Rei had a map out, and was pointing to a nearby bus stop. Grinning his thanks, he told his guardian the location.

"That's... pretty far away. What are you doing out there?"

"I was walking, like I said. When you're walking off one of her bad moods, it takes a while," he nearly let it go at that, but closed his eyes, knowing he should bring it up now, rather than later. "How are Asuka and Hikari?"

"Hikari's already left, and I think Asuka's either studying in her room or asleep," there wasn't a hint of what he'd expect to hear in her voice if things had gotten too heated after his hasty departure, so he relaxed marginally. "Still, I don't like you two quarreling. You should try to get along better."

With a scoff, Shinji regarded his phone a moment, before putting it back to his ear. "How precisely am I to try harder, Misato? I'm not the spoiled child, with the entitlement complex."

"Well, bringing up her faults isn't the way to handle Asuka."

"Glossing them over so they can just rot her from the inside out, while trying to pander to her ego? Sure Misato. Sounds like a great plan." Shinji winced as he realized he'd not only called into question Misato's own methods with Asuka, but also insulted the girl again while copping an attitude with his guardian... sighing, he just stayed silent after.

Misato seemed to be thinking of something herself, but when he heard her reply, it was as if she'd suddenly turned into a weary, older woman, "I'll be there soon." A click and dial tone signaled the end of the call, and he closed the phone with a snap.

"What's up with me this week," he groused, shaking his head slowly as it hung, his posture weary at the table where he sat. "First the fever, then the food... now I'm snapping at people."

Rei was by his side, before he'd noticed her moving, and when she spoke it startled him into looking up at the young woman. "You have been more emotional, and confrontational recently. Perhaps a lingering disquiet from your illness?"

"No I don't think so," he said quietly, as the last two days slowly clicked into place. He _had_ been more emotional, at least as far as expressing himself. Things bothered him faster, broke through his barriers easier, his calm coming undone with less and less it seemed. He'd gotten cross with Rei, which should have shocked him, but there it was. Leaning back, he ran a hand through his hair and winced, his fingers hitting a sensitive spot, or scratching along his skin, he couldn't decide which.

_You will change._

"Rei." Swallowing nervously, he looked to the young woman and took a slow breath. "I'm a little... scared."

\ \ \ \

His walk to the stop was a hasty affair, one he barely noticed. The last few pieces of his memory had finally floated to the surface, and the picture they painted... it wasn't pleasant. "Was it right of me to tell Rei?" Shaking his head, the young man knew it was only fair. She'd given him a lot, in her few moments that night.

How do you balance the scales, when someone tells you they have died, and somehow are still alive, only much older than they should be... and had proof to back it up. If he hadn't been piloting an enormous biomechanical monster that's reported purpose was to kill other monsters, he'd likely not believe her. That's the beauty of Tokyo-3, he mused, as he leaned up against the bus stop booth. So fucked up, nothing really seemed impossible anymore.

Where did he fit into all this? He looked down at his hand, at the small, almost paper-thin scars along his palm, something he'd not even noticed till that afternoon. Swallowing hard, he ran the edge of a nail along his skin, pressing hard till it parted. A tiny well of blood pooled there, and he waited. The sting of it barely registered to him, something akin to the discomfort of a bunched sock. Flicking his hand he rubbed at the spot, the still sensitive skin pink and whole there now. "Where do I fit in?"

"Passenger seat. Hey, Shinji!" Starting, he looked up and directly into Misato's curious eyes. "Daydreaming in this weather? Good thing I didn't let you walk. Get in." Blinking off his initial shock, the young pilot painted a smile on his face and settled into the offered seat, grinning in apology for his lapse in attention.

The ride was it's usual harrowing event, but his mind wasn't on it. It was on his guardian, who looked... drawn. Haggard even. "Misato, is something wrong? You look tired." More than tired, much more.

Frowning a bit deeper, she shook her head. "Nothing wrong, but I do have some bad news. The Sub-commander has gone missing. I know you didn't know him well but he was a kind man and..."

Misato's voice faded off, as his mind panicked. It made sense, now. Fuyutsuki wasn't missing, any more than Jack just happened to know all that he did. It made too much sense, and with a sickening dread he realized that in some way, he was responsible for the old man's death. Misato was right – he was a kind man. One of the few he'd met in Nerv so far that seemed willing to stand up to, and beside his father. "Misato," his voice was weak, around a mouth that was suddenly too hot, and that tasted of bitter metal. "Misato!"

Her concentration broken, the woman swerved slightly as she looked at him, before noting his decidedly green complexion. "Oh shit not on the seats!"

"Pull... over," he gritted out, as the woman nearly spun the car into a turn and along the sidewalk. Not waiting for the car to stop, he swung the door open and vomited, his stomach wrenching at him angrily, ceaselessly it seemed for many minutes. When the images of his own hands, bloody and stained while Kozo died under him passed, he finally got control of his body again.

"There's some napkins in the glove box," he heard her whisper beside him, and nodded his thanks.

They were coarse, but all he wanted was to clean his face, and it helped. "Thanks. I'm alright now."

Nodding soberly, she pulled back into traffic, moving decidedly more leisurely than her usual breakneck way. They traveled in silence a number of minutes before she broke it, her own voice thick with emotions, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't put something else like this on you."

"It's OK. I would have found out anyway," he replied, voice still rough. "Besides, it would be in the paper, or someone at Nerv would mention it."

She shook her head sadly, closing her eyes a moment before they pulled to a stop at a light, "No, you wouldn't. Nerv isn't releasing any information, and he has no family. There won't be a burial. I only found out because I was in Rits's office earlier." Shaking her head, the woman slammed a hand into the steering wheel. "Damn it, why. Why all this bullshit."

"Misato?"

Her anger washed away as quickly as it came. "Sorry," she grinned, shrugging but the damage was done. Something was eating at her, something at Nerv. It was painfully obvious to someone like him, who was in the same position. "Just stressed a bit. Speaking of stress," and here it comes, he moaned to himself. "What's up with you recently?"

"Sorry," he muttered, looking out the window. "I... guess I'm still a bit out of sorts from the fever."

Misato considered this a moment. "I thought you were feeling better?"

Shrugging, he just sighed, hoping she'd forget his earlier sickness and pick up speed. "I am, but those things take a bit out of you. I'm feeling better, really."

"So." Another light passed, the red of it making his eyes sting. "You apologized to Rei, then?"

Looking back at Misato, her face unreadable, he had to laugh to himself. Of course. He wasn't home, he had called angry and likely Asuka had as well, so of course Section-2 would be her first course of action. Same for last night, when he was out unannounced. "Yeah. I figured I should. I've not been myself recently, and she wasn't the person I was mad at. Just happened to be there at the wrong time."

"Who are you mad at, Shinji?"

Leaning back the sports car's seat, the young man just looked through the roof of the car, shaking his head slowly.

\ \ \ \

His hand tapped the sleep button on his alarm, at a minute till it started screaming in his ear. Things had settled down a bit, since his visit to Rei, and one of those blissful decadences, was that he had his morning to himself.

Circumstances behind that were interesting in themselves, Shinji recalled, pulling on his clothes for the day. Their little household had gone into an uproar that night, but it had passed without more than a whimper. Asuka had been strangely calm and aloof when they got home, and to his mortal shock, apologized for her behavior, if only grudgingly. Shinji had done likewise, even offering to cook dinner at such a late hour, but the young woman had refused, opting to go to bed almost as they arrived.

Misato had cleared things up for him. Apparently, she had come home to a rather sedate, and alone pilot, who calmly related the night's actions. She'd spared him a significant glance when she mentioned the incident with being pushed into a wall, to which he pointed at his cheek, and the livid mark there. What has surprised him most was that Asuka had told their guardian that she'd manage food for herself, from here on. Shinji almost called her out on this, thinking it was just a fit of spite, but wanted to see how it played out.

Never mind that the household all making their own meals was horribly inefficient with time and resources.

A week had passed, since he learned of the disappearance of the Sub-commander and the minor upset in their home. That event had sobered him, brought his attention back where it was needed strangely. His studies received more attention, as well as Nerv itself, with the constant pressure at home lessened.

It was strange, he recalled walking home, Saturday afternoon after class. The place had a whole new feel, since that incident. Before, it had been mysterious, ominous and full of mysteries. It wasn't a romantic idea, so much as a simple observation. No one spoke of things outside the normal scope of their duties. Techs spoke about the Magi, the Evas only when asked, only when needed. Command personnel spoke little at all, except in the strained limited areas of their circle of influence. You'd rarely, for instance, see someone in the technical division of Project E mingling with Section-2 or one of the bridge staff, unless is was their superior.

This made Nerv a very cliquish, very internal place. Somewhere that bred secrets. He understood then what Rei had said, about her nature and the way things became overlooked. Shinji imagined himself, being in this place as a constant, a shadow to the Commander. Always there, intrinsically accepted. Able to walk around without fear or concern... No wonder. She'd grown up here, it was obvious enough to see. What there was of that idea... did he know? If the Rei now, was years older than the Rei that had been killed, what was to say she'd grown up at all? The idea chilled him, that those here, his father's people, could do such a thing, all for such a misunderstood goal.

Obviously, either very few of them knew the meaning of what Nerv worked for. This wasn't the idle banter and chatter of those that trafficked in doom. Laughing at himself, Shinji tried to imagine what people who spoke in such a way, did seem like.

-

A/N: hate build-up chapters.


End file.
